Departments and Ministries
Dear Dr. Smith
5. Dear Dr. Smith,
Are there any sex acts that are inappropriate between a husband and a wife? Just curious
Dear Just Curious, a young couple who came for counseling asked the poignant question, “Is it O.K. to have anal sex?” The question, “what do you think?” was immediately thrown back at them. One spouse said that it was O.K., he felt that within the privacy of the bedroom a husband and wife should be free to do anything. The other had the opposite view. She felt that anal sex would make her feel less of a person, cheap, ashamed and sinful. After exploring several issues with them, it was agreed that a love relationship between a husband and wife is built on mutual respect.
There are many sex acts that are considered abusive, sinful, and in some cases, even life threatening. The passion that one experiences when engaged in intercourse can be over-powering and may elicit animalistic behavior from a partner.
Some sex acts are identified as "kinky" and may be dishonorable and debasing. Couples are encouraged to avoid any act that leaves them feeling guilty, ashamed or dishonored God. The lining of the anus is not designed to withstand the force and thrust of the penis. It was not design by the Almighty for intercourse. Anal sex therefore, is likely to cause rupture in the anal walls, severe bleeding and infection. From a spiritual viewpoint, anal sex is not biblical.
Masturbation is another practice among some couples that prove not to be healthy for their relationship. Masturbation can lead to pre-mature ejaculation in men, thus creating frustration for the wife during sexual intercourse. Besides, viewing pornographic materials while masturbating or viewing it separately, creates a false sense of emotional sexual appetite that can lead to incest, rape, or extra-marital affairs.
Ellen G. White states that some who make high profession do not understand the sin of self-abuse and its sure results. Long-established habit has blinded their understanding. They do not realize the exceeding sinfulness of this degrading sin, which is enervating the system and destroying their brain nerve power. Moral principle is exceedingly weak when it conflicts with established habit. Solemn messages from heaven cannot forcibly impress the heart that is not fortified against the indulgence of this degrading vice. The sensitive nerves of the brain have lost their healthy tone by morbid excitation to gratify an unnatural desire for sensual indulgence (White, 1MCP 230.4, 230.5)
Sexual activities between spouses should be mutually endorsed and spiritually uplifting. In discussing inappropriate sex acts the Bible has this to say: "Wherefore God also gave them up to uncleanness through the lusts of their own hearts, to dishonour their own bodies between themselves…For this cause God gave them up unto vile affections: for even their women did change the natural use into that which is against nature: And likewise also the men, leaving the natural use of the woman, burned in their lust one toward another; men with men working that which is unseemly, and receiving in themselves that recompense of their error which was meet. And even as they did not like to retain God in their knowledge, God gave them over to a reprobate mind, to do those things which are not convenient." Rom 1:24–28.