21 -I'm in a relationship with a 26years old guy, who is not a Christian
Home > Departments and Ministries > Family Ministries > Dear Dr. Smith >
.
21. Dear Dr. Smith,
I am a 17 years old young Christian lady. I am very confused and is really in the process of making a decision, however, I am thinking if it is really the right one and if where I am that’s where God wants me to be.

I’m in a relationship with a 26years old guy, who is not a Christian, but he is a bit God-fearing. He doesn’t smoke, non-alcoholic, he wears no form of body piercing or tattoo. He doesn’t attend Church, he lives alone and works from Mon-Saturday.

He is caring, conservative, loving, and helpful. Financial he supports most of my physical and school needs. He is a person who is always there, he can be very respectful at times, he gets along quite well with my friends, grandma and so on. He really means a lot to me.

However, he is very jealous. If he calls he would ask me questions like; where are you? Where are you going? why are you going? etc.  If I say I am with some friends both male and females, he starts to think that I am with another boyfriend. If I say I am going some where he will just call and call until I am back home.

He is insecure and he doesn’t trust me, why I really don’t know. I am very faithful to him because I really love him. Most time when I say I love you he asked me if I really mean it. Most times I cry because he doesn’t trust me and I don’t know what to do to prove I am faithful to him.

Now, I told him I will not have any sex until marriage, he says that’s ok but recently he starts pressing. I really don’t want o loose him but if I have to let go and let God that’s find with me!
Dr. Smith please give me you godly advice, what can I do? should I end or continue this?


Dear Confused.
If you were not 17 years of age, these are the questions I would be asking you.
Are you for real? Are you dumb? What are you drinking or smoking? Are you high on crack? Have you lost your sanity? Is your elevator not going all the way up to the top floor? Are you bi-polar? Are you listening to yourself? Etc. etc. etc.

But because your are 17 years of age, I will be a lot kinder to you and say, my dear, the relationship you described is so toxic, you need the label “hasmat”  (hazard material) on it.

I know that no one will get a perfect person to marry, but there are too many glaring “Red Flags” in your relationships. For example:
1.    He is controlling
2.    He is jealous
3.    He is insecure
4.    He is demanding
5.    He is manipulative
6.    He ignores you at times
7.    He is sarcastic & cynical
8.    He is 9 years older than you
9.    You are dependent upon him
10.    He is disrespectful to you at times
11.    He doesn’t trust you
12.    He doesn’t respect your moral values
13.    He is not a Christian neither dose he embrace your faith

Wow! did I count 13 red flags?


Why do I get the feeling that it does not matter what I say, you are still going to go along with the relationship? I get that feeling because you are receiving support from him. And people do not give up financial support that easily. Why do I get the feeling that you will soon be intimate with him again? I get that feeling because I know he will keep up the pressure, and by taking money and stuff from him, you will soon feel guilty and give way to his threats or pressure.

You are only 17 years of age, you have your entire life to live. At the moment you should be focusing on completing your education, without being involved in such an enmeshed relationship. At 17 you should enjoy your youth with friends and families and get out from under this dysfunctional, incompatible situation. At 17 you should be able to trust the hand of God with your life, making wise decisions, knowing that in His time, no good thing will He withhold from you, as long as you remain faithful.

Thanks for writing to me and I hope God will give you the inner strength to do the right thing.   “Move On”

God bless.