22 -- Starting a relationship with someone who has four children
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22. Dear Dr. Smith:
 
I met a man at church 6 months ago.  Her told me that he has four children in a previous relationship before becoming a SDA Christian.  He claims that he did not get married to the children of his mother because she did not want anything to do with the Lord.
 
Therefore, he left his family and got baptized, however, he still support his children financially.  He also states that he loves me and would like to get married to me.  However, I have never been married and have no children of my own.  I have just finished college and hope to start a family of my own.  I must admit that this gentleman is quite charming, attractive and seem to love the Lord.  He really believes that I am the one for him.
 
In spite of this, I am not comfortable starting a relationship with someone who has four children. I told my family about him and  they strongly advised me to wait on the Lord and do not get involved with someone who has four children.  They also gave me a list of reasons.  I do find him attractive and I like him.  My only reservation is taking on the responsibility of four children who are biologically not mine.  These children age ranges from 2 to 14 years old. What should I do? Should I give him a chance or should I wait?
 
Sincerely need spiritual advise.


Dear Chance giver,

You take a chance with a restaurant, a vacation, a hair style, maybe an investment, but certainly not with “Marriage.” An institution that has a guarantee 50% failure rate has no place for chance.

Tell me something, why are women so gullible to love lies? Do you really believe him that he did not marry the mother of his 4 children because she did not want to accept Christ? Which God did he go to after leaving four children behind, just like that, one was not even two years old as yet? If children only needed financial support God would not have given them parents.

Do you understand the implications of having a readymade family? How will you feel when he tells you that his children comes first (and don’t go ask him now because he will not tell you the truth) How will you feel when his children come to visit and you can’t speak to them because they tell you that you are not their mother? How will you feel when there is a conflict between you, him and his children and he tells you that you are selfish or jealous?

Frankly speaking, whatever you want to do, go ahead and do it, because if you are not listening to your family, why should you listen to me? They say love is blind and lovers are irrational, you seem to be both blind and irrational in your thinking. I notice that you did not give me any age, but if he already has a 14 year old and you are just graduating from college, then my assumption is that there is a big age difference. If this is so, it could come back to haunt you.

The accolades you gave about him, could be just fluff. Everyone has those attributes when they are in the first trimester of dating. If you don’t believe me, just ask any divorcee. You are going down a risky and dangerous love path, I can only hope that good judgment, common sense, and spiritual awareness will prevail.

Thanks for writing and God bless.