23 -We argue all the time, I feel helpless, I don't know what to do
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23. Dr. Smith
My husband and I have been married for almost four years now. We are having tremendous problems in our marriage & I think it's time we find a counselor if we want to save our marriage. I recently lost my job and things have gone wrong since then. We argue all the time and it's not health for us nor our 21 month old child. I feel helpless & I don't know what to do.

Dear Feeling helpless,

It is obvious that both of you have not gotten out of the stage that is often described as “power struggle” During this stage couples argue and fight a lot over many things, sometimes foolish and simple things. If this continues without the appropriate help, the marriage can deteriorate into withdrawal, isolation, separation or divorce.

It is ironic that you said that you “think” it’s time to find a counselor. If you had a car that is giving that much trouble, would you “think” to take it to the mechanic? If you had a heart condition giving you that much trouble, would you “think” to go to the cardiologist? If you had a child that was giving that much trouble at school, would you “think” to get help?

It is unfortunate that people with marital difficulties will sit and wait; “thinking” “wondering” “iffing and butting” “excusing” etc., allowing the relationship to degenerate into an almost impossibility, then they try to get help. What a travesty? Why is it that the one thing God wants us to guard the most, our marriage, we neglect without remorse?

Four years are just a beginning for any marriage, and I pray that you both will understand the need to get professional help. I am sorry to hear about the loss of your job. May God help you to find another one quickly. I will keep you in my prayers. 

But do the right thing. God bless.