Departments and Ministries
Dear Dr. Smith
26. Greetings to you Dr. Smith.
A friend who says you have helped her immensely in her Christian walk of faith told me about you. My name is xxxxx. I am seventeen years old coming this September and will be starting university. I got baptized in 2004 and have been in and out of church ever since.
My problem right now is, I cant seem to find my way back and I need to renew my faith but don’t know where to begin. I know that there will be a lot of pressure at the university so I want to be strengthened again.
I also have a problem with a guy that I have been courting for almost three years now. He is a Christian and we are not sexually active. He told me that he is willingly to wait on marriage and I accept that. My problem however is if it just happens. We are very close intimately and the only thing that is left for us to do is have intercourse.
What I am trying to say is, we have done everything else but have sex. A few days ago, I broke up with him by text. He texted me back saying, "ok then, I wish you the best of luck". Everyday after that I was tempted to call him back and say that I did not mean it. One day however, I did and he said that I hurt him.
Doctor, I don't want to start back this relationship but everyday I feel like I need to call him. I know that you are going to say that I am young and should be thinking about a relationship, but the damage is already done and I can't change what has happened in my past. Please help me out with this as I am in need.
Thanks in advance.
Dear Can’t Find My Way Back,
Please tell your friend that I say thanks for the compliments and that I am happy to have been of help to her.
Since your baptism you have been in and out of the Church, why not try staying in and forget about the out. You see, part of the reason for you confusion and ambivalence is that you have not settled it once and for all, that Christ will be in you the hope of glory.
Your Christianity is not something you take up and put down, but even in your greatest of trials and temptations you hold on to, knowing that He who hath begun a good thing in your will see you through to the end.
You said you couldn’t find your way back, have you tried talking with your pastor, elder or a good female friend who has high spiritual values? Have you been reading your Bible and taking time out for personal devotion? Have you been reading Messages to Young People or any other book written by E. G. White? As a Christian you can only fail when you fail to do your part and refuse to rely on God’s strength.
So I encourage you to go back to the word of God, go back to praying sincerely, go back to private and personal devotion, go back to Church and find meaning in worship as it comes through participation.
Concerning this “on and off” boyfriend of yours, you are flirting with danger, to do everything with him except sex is to set up sex for the next stage. It’s called creeping compromise. Trust me, don’t think that you are that strong, it’s just a matter of time, unless you go back to the basic of committing your life over to Christ and crate appropriate boundaries in your relationship. You did not say why you broke up with him, but something must have gone radically wrong. Whatever it is, this might be God’s warning sign for you to move on.
I guarantee you that if you try to make up with him you will pay a heavy price, you will either have to give up your body, or he will wait for the opportune time to break back your heart. One way or the other you will be hurt. The best thing to do therefore, is to move on with your life. Yes, you are right, I am going to say that you are young, and should not be this involved in a relationship, instead you should be focusing more on school and reaching your academic goal. It’s a milestone that you will need in years to come, even after this relationship is over.
So go back to God, go back to his word, and go back to your once found faith, for that is the only way you will find peace for the jangling discords of your life. Have a great day and remember to trust God to the end.
I will say a prayer for you.