Departments and Ministries
Dear Dr. Smith
29. Dear Dr. Smith
Is lust between a husband and wife ever wrong?
My Dear Friend
The dictionary defines "LUST" as intense and often excessive or unrestrained sexual abuse, an intense desire. Using this definition as a frame of reference, it may be conceivable that a husband may have excessive sexual desire. The operational word, here, though, is "extreme". Can a husband have excessive desire for his wife?
While it is expected that the passion between a husband and his wife should be "intense" and always active, it is also true that in some cases the passion dies down and the sexual activity decreases. When that happens, one spouse may experience desires that are not mutual at that moment. If that is so, then there should be dialogue with each other. Maybe the relationship needs a "boost".
However, to answer the question under discussion, it is unfortunate that a spouse would need to lust after his/her own spouse. The goal is that they are mutually supplying the sexual and emotional needs of each other and that there is open communication between them. A husband can desire his wife and may even experience intense sexual desire, but if the desire cannot be quenched or if it leads to abusive sexual experiences, then it may lead to a sexual disorder. There is a syndrome known as sexual addiction. If a husband finds that he has an EXCESSIVE appetite for sex, he should seek professional help, it could be that he has an addiction.
A couple is encouraged to bring their best self to the relationship. Each person should be attractive (meaning well groomed and appealing), observe proper hygiene, be sensitive to the needs of the other, accept the conjugal role as wholesome, and respect each other. Lust usually occurs when one desires sexual encounter he/she cannot have, for example, in an adulterous relationship. Married partners should seek to stimulate each other sexually.