34 - Later on in our marriage he started cheating on me
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 34.  Dear Dr. Smith

I was married to my husband for over twenty years. During that time, we had children together. While I would not describe my marriage as a match made in heaven, I would say we had a pretty good life. However, later on in our marriage he started cheating on me. Eventually, he walked away from the matrimonial home, divorced me and married one of his lovers. That marriage did not last too long, as a matter of fact, he ended up in jail as a result of a marital dispute. He got bailed, and came straight to my home, claiming that he has nowhere to go. He has been there for some months now and refused to leave. I am getting ready to evict him, however, members of my church are telling me that I can’t do that as a Christian, and that I have to keep him since he has no where to go. They claimed that I have to feed the hungry, care for the sick and those in need, and that I won’t make it to heaven if I refuse to do that to him.

 

Please Dr. Smith, could you tell me if this is so. Is it my responsibility to care for this man who is still married to another woman? Will this prevent me from seeing God’s face when He comes?

Please answer quickly.

 

Dear Please Answer Quickly,

Your story is a painful one, one of unfaithfulness, betrayal, loss, abandonment and now the quizzical concern of “acceptance.” Here is my take on your situation. The fact that your husband walked out of his matrimonial home, divorced your and re-married someone else, end your obligations to him. He made a choice, a tough one, and if he made his bed hard, he just has to lie in it. (Too bad, too sad, poor lad) He should have thought of all of the implications before abandoning the wife of his youth. Since you have no moral, ethical, social or emotional reason to take him back, let’s explore the “Spiritual”.

 

1.    As a Christian you should remember that “Meekness” does not mean “Weakness”

2.     It is not your Christian duty to rescue another woman’s husband; as a matter of fact, she could charge you of having an affair with her husband.

3.     If he needs help, he can go to Social Service; they offer food stamps, rent allowance, etc.

4.     It is true, that we are required as Christians to help those in need, however, in this case, you have to view the situation differently. He is your ex-husband and having him around the house can create painful memories.

5.     It is unfair, maybe even cruel, for others to demand of you that you keep him because he has nowhere to go. It they think it is the honorable thing to do as a Christian, why don’t they step up to the plate and demonstrate their Christianity by taking him?

6.     Yes, you have to forgive as Christians, but forgiveness does not mean bringing back the aggravation in your life. You can choose to forgive and move on with your life, and you are still 100% a good Christian.

I pray that God will keep you as you navigate your Christian life, may He bless and keep you strong.

Be Corageous.

Dr. Smith