35 - She had an affair with a friend in the church
Home > Departments and Ministries > Family Ministries > Dear Dr. Smith >
.
 35. Dear Dr. Smith

I was married for several years and had children with my wife.  She had an affair with a friend in the church.  After months in counseling we got divorced because I did not believe she was really sorry and was still making excuses for it.  She remarried and then I remarried.  She also had another child with her new husband.  After just a few years my second wife walked out and divorced me because she “just wasn’t happy”. Seven or eight years have passed since my first wife and I got divorced and we have both been through a lot and, I think [I have] grown a lot spiritually. While her new husband has not “been a bad guy” she and I both wished we had not divorced.  Is there any biblical support for us getting remarried if she decided to end her current marriage?  What do you think Jesus would do in this situation? I am really struggling.  Thank you for any thoughts.

 

Dear Struggling Friend,

Your story is as strange as they come, it sounds like a jigsaw puzzle.

Let’s see if we can put the pieces together;

1.     Your first wife had an affair, you tried counseling, it did not work, hence you got a divorce. Biblically speaking you have grounds for this. (Matt 19:9 & 5:32)

2.    
She remarried. At this point she is committing adultery (Mk 10:12, because she is the guilty party.

3.   You got married after her. You second marriage is according to scripture.

4.   After a few years of marriage, your second wife walked out on you and divorced you. There is no Biblical grounds for this divorce.

5.   While her [i.e. your first ex-wife] new husband is not a bad guy we both wished we had not divorced. I can understand your wish, but it is not right, it is too little too late. Your re-marriage to your second wife precludes you from getting back with you first wife. Besides, she is currently married, if she breaks up with her husband “who is not even a bad man” in order to get back with you, you both would be living in sin.  Read carefully Mark 10: 11-12 and Luke 16: 18

6.    
What do I think Jesus would do? He would adhere to teachings and principles of the Bible.

Footnote:  My personal feeling from reading your question is that there is some “hanky panky” going on between you and your first ex-wife. I hope that it’s just a feeling and not a reality, because if you are interfering with her marriage that’s both morally and spiritually wrong. If she breaks up her current marriage because of you and you both get back together, it will NOT last. It’s just a matter of time, whatsoever a man soweth that shall he also reap (Gal 6:7) Stop the struggling and get your “Ex” out of your head. Move ON, it’s over, water under the bridge.

PS. Please remember there is a child involved in that marriage you may want to break up.

 
God bless.
Dr. Smith