45 - My husband fondled my daughter as a young girl
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45. Dear Dr. Smith
My husband fondled my daughter as a young girl, and at the age 14 he started having sex with her. He claimed to be born again now and that Satan covinced him to do it then. I still love him but cannot stop thinking about it. Will God punish me for wanting to be with him still. We are not living together right now and wont until my daughter thats now xxx moves out.


Dear Concerned Mother
I can understand the pain that as a mother you felt and is feeling as a result of your husband's sinful indiscretion. Before I proceed to answer your question, I must inquire about the welfare of your daughter. How is she doing? Did she receive therapy? What is the relationship between you and her? Is the molester her biological father? What is the relationship between them? Was it a legal requirement for him to have left the home or was it your doing? An understanding of these questions would help me to better address your situation.

Working on what you have shared with me, I can only say:

1. If your daughter did not receive professional counseling, you should seek to let her get it still. Childhood wounds can become devastating problems in adulthood.

2. If you cannot stop thinking about what your husband did, then your love for him is mixed with anger. Therefore, you too, need help before you should allow him back into your life. If not, your arguments and fights will be frequent.

3. Your husband needs help. To molest a minor and to the degree at which he did, makes him a sick person. In the eyes of the law he is a child molester. He needs psychotherapy, if not, it is quite likely that the behavior will be repeated, and this time that parent might not cover it up, hence he will do time in jail.

4) God will not punish you for wanting to be with your husband. (1Jn 1:9) is your assurance that you husband can receive forgiveness. However, God will punish both of you if there are other children in the home and you allow him to return, and the behavior repeats itself.

5) By the way, his argument that "Satan convinced him to do it" it just a cheap excuse for not wanting to face his sinful disfigurement, and if he believes his excuse rather than rejecting his behavior, may God have mercy on his soul.

I pray that God will give you the strength to keep doing the right thing. Please assure your daughter that it was not her fault, give her all your love, and let her know that she is not a victim she is a survivor.  I will say a prayer for the family.

God bless
Dr. Smith

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