Departments and Ministries
Dear Dr. Smith
46. Dear Dr. Smith
I am dating a man who divorced his wife, but not for cheating (no Biblical reason). He is a well founded Christian, and he seems perfect for me. We would like to marry someday, but I want to do God's will. I do not want to judge my boyfriend, and tell him I can't marry him because of what he did in the past. I think we can seek God's forgiveness through Christ, and move on to a blessed marriage. Will our marriage be condemed by God? Will we not receive the full blessings of God because my partner has divorced his wife? Please help, and give me any information possible.
Dear Concerned Lover,
I can see that you are in love with this person, however, he has divorced his wife and you are seeking clarification on the matter of re-marriage. I want to address your question carefully and cautiously, and to take a Biblical as well as a Clinical approach.
You said he is a well-founded Christian; I have no grounds on which to doubt your evaluation, however, if he is, why are you the one asking this question? Shouldn’t his Christianity drive him to seek Biblical clarification for his personal dilemma? Also, you said that you do not want to judge your boyfriend and tell him you can’t marry him because of what he did in the past. I did not know that was judging, I thought that was merely reiterating the word of God. Go back and read again, Matt 5: 32 &19: 9, Mark 10: 11 & 12, Luke 16: 18 and 1 Cor 7:11, and see if you are really judging.
You are asking if God will condemn your marriage, I think you should be asking if your marriage will be accepted by God, and based upon those texts I just referenced, God couldn’t accept your marriage. You see, God cannot accept any marriage that goes against His will, because that’s defiance. Yes, you can ask God for forgiveness, but if you are living in sin, how do you keep on keeping on asking?
The Clinical aspect of my response may not be of interest to you, since you seemed to have concluded that this is a match made in heaven. I believe that you will keep asking your question until someone of significance gives you the answer you want to hear.
In the meantime, here are some implications that you need to consider;
1. 2nd & 3rd Marriages have a greater chance of breaking up than do first marriages. The divorce rate for second marriage is 60% and the divorce rate for third marriage is 73%2. You chose not to say why he divorced his wife, but the very reason may comeback to haunt you later.
3. You are hearing only his side of the story, therefore he is the good person and the “Ex” is the villain. However, maybe if you should hear her side of the story you may change your mind.
4. He seems “perfect” for you, but I bet you have not done any form of personality type assessment to determine how compatible you both are. (In the beginning, all lovers are perfect for each other… until!!)
5. Blended families often come with baggages, are you prepare for those baggages and do you know what they are?
I understand your desire for love and companionship, but if it is not right in the eyes of God, problems will follow you. I hope and pray that you will find the strength to do the right thing. Thanks for asking and God bless.
Follow up response
Thank you so much for responding. I really appreciate your help. I am praying for God to give me strength to do His will, because I really want to follow His will in my heart, and I want my actions to reflect that. I was having a spiritual battle, because I know our relationship is wrong, but I kept trying to justify it somehow. Thank you so much, and God bless you as well.