Departments and Ministries
Dear Dr. Smith
47. Dear Dr. Smith
How can a born again Christian who is married over come being in love with someone else... it is tearing me apart and I know it isn’t right.. plz help me... it has led me into deep depression...
Dear Deeply Depressed,
Thanks for asking a question from your heart. I can clearly see that you are struggling between two antagonistic forces, that of evil and good. The reason for this struggle is that your brain is telling you the right thing and your heart is pushing you in the wrong direction. What you are feeling for this person is not love but lust. It's not genuine emotion it's infatuation. Infatuation and lust cause individuals to leap over bridges, burn their candles at both ends. Abandoned family values, spiritual values and personal values. They are intense feelings that cause you to think irrationally and illogically. Right now you are infatuated.
Genuine emotional love on the other, makes rational decision, causes one to look before they leap, asked, (WWJD) "What would Jesus Do? Genuine love protects the family and the values of the family. Is not selfish, self-centered, or indiscrete. It looks at the bigger picture rather than the personal picture. It thinks before it acts.
Your question, "How can a born again Christian who is married over come being in love with someone else?" The answer; by doing the following:
1. End the relationship immediately-- this means cut off all contacts: emails, cell phone, texting, facebook, etc. Make a clean incision cut and walk away. It’s called “Reality Therapy”.
2. Stop daydreaming over the person, stop harboring warm affective feelings and thoughts about this person. Let go and move back into your marriage.
3. Destroy all gifts received from this person. Delete any text messages, email messages or any other form of messages. Destroy all pictures, videos, etc.
4. Tell the person it's over and mean it. Be honest with your soul. End it, and you will be amazed to see how you start feeling lighter and depressive feelings start parting.
5. Re-invest your emotion and love into your marital relationship. Start dating your spouse again. Go for walks, a dinner date, a vacation, etc.
6. Smile often with your spouse and be genuine with it. Do things together, hold hands when walking, express verbal hugs and kisses, and don’t do this vicariously. Do not think about the other person when you are showing affection to your spouse.
7. Talk honestly with your spouse, and ask him/her to help you grow. Acknowledge your weaknesses, and accentuate your strengths.
8. Pray earnestly to God for strength to overcome. Fast if necessary, enjoy family and Church worship. Participate when you can. Let your spiritual soul come alive again.
9. Do not yield to any temptation to return to you old vomit.
10. If you are feeling week at any point along the process, send me another question or ask me for more counsel.
If you do these things, happy are you and the depression will go away and you will be a stronger person for your self, your family and most of all, your God.