Departments and Ministries
Dear Dr. Smith
52. Dear Dr. Smith
Thank you for all your up lifting help, I am going through a real turmoil with my husband, he is going through some real physical and mental issues with sex. He keeps wanting me to go and have sex with other men, with him there, so he can get over the edge. I keep saying no and he keeps saying to me I am to be submissive to my husband, he is not a follower of Christ and so how do I deal with this? Please help me with both prayer and guidelines; I am so wanting to do as God guides me. But I am so hurt and confused. Thank you, please keep us in your prayers,
Dear Hurt & Confused,
The travail of your soul is perplexing. Your husband’s request in not just narcissistic it is devilish. He has a sexual addiction that is both dysfunctional and toxic to the marriage, and you must maintain your Christian composure and firmness by keep saying “NO”. Having sex with other men is adulterous and even though he is making the request, if you should comply, you would be violating the principles of God and later reap the wrath of your husband’s rejection.
It is quite possible that he has developed this insatiable desire to get perverted sexual arousal from viewing pornography. His unhealthy, unnatural, and paranoid desire for multiple sex partners with his wife is an indication of how deep he is into this pornography, whether real or imaginary, and how it has distorted his reasoning.
The admonition Paul gave in Eph 5:22 “Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord” specifically says “as unto the Lord.” Therefore, any form of submission that violates the will of God is not submission but manipulation. What your husband is attempting to do is to manipulate you by using the pretext of religion.
He should understand that his constant badgering of you for this demeaned sexual fantasy is grounds for divorce. Sex is designed for love making and intimacy between a husband and a wife and cannot be compromised because of the depraved nature of one partner. So far you have done the right thing. Keep doing the right thing. Do not yield to his pressure.
The next time your husband approach you with this unhealthy request, look him sternly in the eyes and say, “Your request violates, the norms of society, the principles of heaven, and the beauty of your wife. I am not only annoyed at your request but I am disgusted by it. It is an attempt to denigrate and belittle me, and I will NOT stoop so low. I am very disappointed in you. Please do not make this request again because my answer to you will never change. That answer is “NO”
I pray that God will grant you the courage to hold to your conviction and His peace to calm you soul during this period of brokenness. And remember, for you I am praying.