Departments and Ministries
Dear Dr. Smith
Dear Dr. Smith
I got into a deep and intimate relationship with a married lady whom I love deeply, we moved in together over a year ago. How can I break that off compassionately? I know that I am sinning, and believe it or not, God means most to me, even though my actions may not show it… She does not go to church, but she is caring and loving to her children and me. She does not press me in my beliefs. She does not prevent me from reading the scriptures, and she wants me to have the freedom to go to church…
We built this life together; home, pets, dreams, it’s hard to just throwing it all away. I realize things and circumstances change, but at what cost? She would think that I never really loved her… So how do I break the relationship off without destroying her spirit to the point of apostasy and hopelessness?
Dear Sorrowful lover
I have read your email and believe that you are asking me for an impossible answer. I wish there was an easy way out of your dilemma but there is none, you cannot serve God and Mammon. It is not possible for you to break a relationship where there is mutual love and appreciation, and pain, bitterness, anger, resentment and possible hatred don't develop. It is just not possible.
On the one hand I am hearing you expressing your greatest desire for God and on the other hand to cling to a woman that does not share your Christian beliefs. Worst of all, she is married, and even if she should get a divorce, Biblically speaking you still could not be married to her. I do not know then what is it you want form God, "to have your cake and eat it?" Two wrongs cannot make a right, no matter how hard you try.
Therefore, regardless of your feelings for this woman, if you are to remain faithful to God, she cannot be your wife. Secondly, you cannot end the relationship without crushing her spirit. And you cannot live this way and expect God's blessings and protection. The choice is yours, to choose God or to reject God. No one can help you to decide that, it's you personal call.
But remember that whatever you do, it's a matter of life and death, heaven and hell, blessing and cursing, righteousness and unrighteousness. May God give you the strength and courage to do the right thing. God bless and have a great day.