Departments and Ministries
Dear Dr. Smith
68. Dear Dr. Smith
Please help me, I hate sex and I am married, what should I do?
Dear Sex hater,
If I were to be trivial I would answer your question by simply saying, “just start loving sex”. But I know that your question is much deeper than that. So, let me start by saying, several factors can be stated as to why a married person might not have interest in sex. To understand those factors, one would have to explore questions such as:
1) Why do you hate sex?
• Is it because of your Christian upbringing?
• Is it because of your socialization?
• Is it because of your environment?
• Is it that you hate sex or that you have no desire for sex?
• Do you have painful teen-age memories?
• Is sex painful or unfulfilling?
• Do you have poor self-esteem?
2) How toxic is your relationship?
• Are their instances of abuse?
• Are there un-resolved issues?
• Are their deep relationship wounds?
• Are there frequent arguments and or fights?
3) When did you start hating sex?
• Are you on any medication with possible side effect?
• Have you had surgery?
• Are there any physical disabilities?
• Do you have children, how many, how old?
• Were you molested as a child?
• Have you ever been raped?
• Have you had an abortion?
• Did you have sex outside of marriage?
• If so, how early did you start?
• Were there multiple partners?
• Have you caught an incurable STD?
• Is there a sexual dysfunction?
Sex is an integral part of marriage, couples do not have the right to defraud each other except it’s with consent and that should be only for a time. (1 Cor 7:5). It is difficult to be your own therapist; therefore, I recommend that you get professional help with this problem.