Departments and Ministries
Dear Dr. Smith
Dear Dr. Smith,
I have a boyfriend, he is my first and we love each other but due to our regular intimate moments that are sometimes difficult, he wants us to get married. At present I am a 3rd year student at university and he is working selling books.
My Mom thinks that I should date others and if I get married now I would be cheating myself. Things had not been smooth with us lately and because sex was the issue, since we have become attached and growing more intimate, my boyfriend suggested that I be placed on an ultimatum and that I should decide if we should break up or get married.
The ultimatum is for six months; my decision should be made by then and whatever decision I make he will agree to or go along with it. In addition to that my boyfriend told me not to call or text him only until I have made this decision.
I am depressed because I missed conversing and going out with my boyfriend.
I often cry and think that all of this is my fault. I constantly blame myself. Please tell me, what should I do?
Dear 3rd year University Student
If you noticed, I have shortened your question. I am concerned that you are sounding more like an obsessed person over this guy rather than a rational thinking university student. Your Mom is right about having other dates. You are too consumed with this guy and you will get hurt. Any relationship that has an ultimatum like the one you are describing is a troubled relationship. Besides, the notion of giving a “six months ultimatum” is only to increase the pressure, knowing that you are clinging and weak. His pressure for marriage is to get his citizenship. Of course you are too much in love to see that now. But remember, when it comes to relationships, love is not enough. A lesson you may learn too late. Tell me something, what are you getting married on? Have you ever heard of a thing called rent? light bill? food? clothese? babies?
I can understand your passion for love, but I cannot understand your blindness. Please answer me this question. Which man in his right mind, who has nothing, no money, no fixed income, no education, no home for himself and gives a 3rd year student in University an ultimatum of 6 months to decide for marriage? And you are contemplating that!
It's either you are crazy, he is crazy or I am crazy. Start thinking with your head and not with your heart. Keep your libedo under control, because, if you keep pushing your self on to this man intimately as you have done, eventually he will reject you or use you. Get a hold of yourself, get your act together, restore your dignity and have a better self worth. And by the way, “listen to your mother”.
I will say a prayer for you.