73 -- I feel I rushed into marriage and did not wait on God
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Dear Dr. Smith,
I feel I rushed into the marriage and did not wait on God to lead me to my spouse. I believe as a result of this we are struggling. How do I deal with this?

Dear Rushed into Marriage,

If your question were as naive as it appears to be, I would just say, “too bad, too sad, poor lad” and finished. But the enormity of the problem and the prevalence of its occurrence, force me to take the time to address it.


Frequently, when people think that they are in love, they refused to ask the right questions, get professional help or take counsel from family or friends. Many a heartache could have been speared if lovers would only ‘look before they leap’.  Too many are leaping before they look. It sounds like your case is one such example.

You said that you were rushed, now tell me, who is it that rushed you? And don’t you have a mind of your own? Did you seek pre-marital counseling? How long after knowing the person did you decide to get married? Were there those who cautioned you about the situation? Were you strong headed and giddy minded saying to yourself, “this one thing I do?” Did you fast and pray before making your final decision?

You see, you have to take responsibility for your action. No one forced you with a gun at your head to get married. You were not tricked or dragged into marriage. You made your decision based on the palpitations of your heart and not the nerve cells of your brain. You cannot start eating the cake and part way through you now decides that you don’t like the cake. Too bad my friend, if you make your bed hard, you have to lie and sleep in it.

If you are having difficulties in your relationship, go see a counselor. Good marriages are the ones that can weather the storms of life. You did say “for better for worse” didn’t you? Well, if the worse comes, you will have to find a way to make it better, but divorce is not an option.

Practice resilience. God bless.

Dr. Smith