Departments and Ministries
Dear Dr. Smith
Dear Dr. Smith
What do you do if both partners agreed that they have married the wrong person or shouldn’t have gotten married?
Dear Partner that married the wrong person,
Pray and ask God to make you become the right person for each other. Unfortunately, there is a subtleness to your question, a toxic mix of a mutual desire to get a divorce or a separation. But in your insatiable desire to end the relationship could you first answer these questions?
• Did you have pre-marital counseling?
• Did you or are you having marital counseling?
• If yes, how many sessions did you both attend?
• Have you ever fasted and prayed, asking God to make you both become compatible?
• If yes, how many times?
• Is one or both parties had or is having an affair?
• Do you have a best friend that is encouraging you to end the relationship?
• Can you state some positive things you both have done for each other even though you have agreed that you are incompatible?
• Did you both sit down with your pastor to discuss the situation before coming to your conclusion?
• What clause in the marriage vow are you using to opt out of the marriage?
• On what Biblical grounds did you both base your conclusion on?
To be more specific to your question, however, here is what you do if both partners agree that they have married the wrong person or shouldn’t have gotten married:
• Seek professional help
• Stop playing ‘tit for tat’
• Say you are sorry and mean it
• Ask for forgiveness
• Let go of grudges
• Start doing nice things for each other
• Remember birthdays, anniversaries, valentines, etc.
• Hug each other regularly
• Start praying together
• Have family worship
• Verbally express your love to each other
• Affirm each other
• Avoid the use of ‘putdowns’
• Stop the nagging
• Don’t be secretive
• Stay away from the divorce court
• Take it to the Lord in prayer
May God grant you both the strength to do the right thing.