83 -- Should a young lady give her telephone number to a guy she meets the first time?
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Dear Dr. Smith

Should a young lady give her telephone number to a guy she meets the first time?

Their Questioner,

Your question is not as simple as it may appear, and depending on the circumstance the answer could be a simple “yes” or “no”.

As a rule of thumb, it is never a good practice to give out information about yourself, including your telephone number the first time you meet a guy. Here are some reasons.
1.    Don’t appear to be so needy or desperate. Especially if you are a Christian, you should conclude that God is directing your life, and if this is the person He wants for you, more occasions will present themselves for you to get acquainted with this person before start sharing information.

2.    Don’t rush to judgment. Sometimes a young lady might think that if she looses this opportunity of contacting this guy, it may never present itself again.  How do you know that? Desperation and rushing to judgment are two factors that contribute to pore relationship formation.

3.    A young lady should be discrete at all times. Despite the post-modern culture in which we are living where it is the accepted norm for girls to chase boys, principled young ladies should still maintain their dignity and not be chasers.

4.    Creeping compromise. Oftentimes relationships developed not because you deeply admired the person, but because it grows on you. Flaws have a way of growing into acceptable norms. When you meet someone for the first time, you do not know the person, it is a good practice to find out some more about this person before deciding that you want to start sharing information.

5.    All that glitters is not gold. When it comes to relationship formation, never follow your heart follow your head. Think with your brain and not with your impulses. The person who sweeps you off your feet the first time can land you on your buttocks the next time. Never be fooled by romantic rendezvous. Go placidly amid the impulse, heat and heart palpitation.

Having said all of that, I am also cognizant of the fact that sometimes there are extenuating circumstances that militate against some of what I have said. For example,
1.    If you are out of your country or even out of town, a young lady may choose to share her number to a young man she meets for the first time. In this case the notion of being “needy” or “desperate” is not apparent. Great caution, however, should be enforced.

2.    When the number is requested for “other reasons” such as to follow up a conversation or to provide information on research, job market, health issues, etc.

3.    A credible friend or relative introduced the person to you. In that case, there is reason to believe that this young man has certain values and credibility.

Relationships are so fragile these days and the divorce rate is so high, that great care and caution should be taken when forming them. I hope my response was of some help, thanks for your question and God bless.

Dr. Smith