84 --His sleeping out and his cheating affected me less than...
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84. Dear Dr. Smith

I am a divorcee, got married when I was xx yrs old to a very abusive man. He was verbally and physically abusive. I was so affected by the abuse that his sleeping out and his cheating affected me less. As I matured I got the courage to leave him and immediately filed for a divorce on the grounds of the abuse. That was about 8 yrs ago. I am now xx yrs old and a Seventh Day Adventist for the past 3 yrs. I am fully aware of the Biblical grounds for remarriage and I often question if I should or can be remarried based on the reason I requested the divorce. I am confused and do not want to make a decision that will affect my relationship with God.

Dear Confused,
I am sorry to hear of your painful past relationship and I am happy you had the courage to end it. No one has the right to physically abuse another person, this was not God’s intention when He said, “it is not good that the man should be alone, I will make him a helpmeet” (Gen 2:18) Even thought you filed for a divorce on the grounds of physical abuse, the marital relationship was also compromised by his adulterous behavior. Therefore, the issue here at stake is not on what grounds you filed for the divorce, but whether or not adultery was committed. If it is a proven fact that he was adulterous, then you are free indeed to re-marry again. If you choose to do so, it will not in any way affect your relationship with your God.

Yes, you do deserve better, however, be aware of the statistics that indicate that second and third marriages have a higher rate of failure that first time marriages. Therefore, I caution you to be very careful. Make sure that you both get professional pre-marital counseling even before setting a wedding date. That is, if you do plan to get married again. Be aware of all the implications of stepfamilies, do your homework carefully, and live on your knees.

I wish you God’s greatest blessings and success in your personal and professional life.
Thanks for asking.
Dr. Smith