93 -- How does one handle being lonely in a crowd?
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Dear Dr. Smith,

How does one handle being lonely in a crowd?

Dear Lonely in a Crowd,

Loneliness is not an event, it is a state of the mind. As a result it can be as psychologically traumatic to the same extent as being severely wounded or burned is physiologically traumatic. The best way to overcome feelings of loneliness in a crowd is to control the state of the mind. Whatever you perceived you feel. So feeling lonely is a schema you process and act upon negatively. Here are some steps to take that will help you handle feelings of loneliness in a crown, alone, with a few people, etc.

1.  Actualize your loneliness
Find someone that you connect with and engage them in a conversation
Go to the area of the crowd that is playing your favorite song, movie, games, etc.
Participate in conversations that you are comfortable with
Do something with someone, don’t sit and stare

2. Identify and interpret feelings of loneliness
    Why are you feeling lonely?
    What has precipitated the feeling?
    What event/s that is making you uncomfortable?
    Are you being rational or irrational?

3. Adjust to being in a crowd and learn to socialize
    Find people of interest and engage them
    Tell yourself it is normal to talk to people
    Don’t allow yourself to feel intimidated
    Accept yourself and make no comparison
4. Find meaning with people
    Understand the need to be inclusive
    See yourself as “a part of” rather than “estranged from”
    Listen to human stories and share yours
    Relax and feel at home, share laughter and fun

5. Provide time to grow
    Part of a crowd psychology, it to grow with the crowd
    Take on the energy and synergy of the crowd
    Allow the crowd to transform you into an accepted social being
    Be patient with yourself, It takes time to bond with a crowd

6. Examine Defenses and Coping Patterns
    Explore your hidden self
    What are your childhood wounds?
    Look at areas of strengths and weaknesses
    Accentuate the positive, discard the negative
    Explore your hang-ups, work on yourself
    What are your fears, what are your baggage?

Above all, remember the precious promises of God:
• John 14:18  I will not leave you comfortless: I will come to you.
• Isa 58:9  Then shalt thou call, and the LORD shall answer; thou shalt cry, and he shall say, Here I am.
• Isa 43:4  Since thou was precious in my sight, thou hast been honourable, and I have loved thee
• Gen 28:15  And, behold, I am with thee, and will keep thee in all places whither thou goest…  for I will not leave thee, until I have done that which I have spoken to thee of.

May God give you the strength to get over your feelings of loneliness, enjoy your life and go meet some friends. Be blessed.

Dr. Smith

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