Departments and Ministries
Dear Dr. Smith
Between 2006 and 2011, my loving wife has had 3 emotional affairs, two of which involved close physical encounters of a VERY DANGEROUS kind. The latest one is not yet behind us because she is still feeling guilty and is depressed, because her behavior has caused another family member to become ill.
She states that (and I totally believe her) that there were no sexual encounters, only heavy petting. The first two were sorted out with all the parties involved, and we prayed together and hugged. This time around, she has TOTALLY RESISTED any such reconciliatory measures, saying that she's the one who is TOTALLY responsible, since
"she's the one who would ask her for a lift". They would pet in the car. Apart from the car, they would pet at an undisclosed location.
Owing to the continued illness of the family member, she is still depressed.
What is your advice to her?
Dear Advise Seeker,
Thank you for reaching out to me. Your family situation is a grave one. Your wife needs spiritual and psychological help, she is flirting with danger. Her behavior is reprehensible and she needs to confront her dark inner self, her twisted, morbid thinking and her depraved, dwarf feelings. You referred to her as your “loving wife” are you for real? Who does she love? You described her behavior as “emotional affair” but she describes it as “heavy petting”. Maybe you are in real denial. Heavy petting is physical encounter, therefore, she had a physical and an emotional affair. You seem so gullible to her excuses. According to you, “she states that there were not sexual encounters” and your response to that is, “I totally believed her”, how naïve. If it happened once, a second time, and you prayed and reconciled and then it happens a third time. Are you telling me you can “totally” trust and believe her? You must be from another planet, and it’s not Mars.
Repentance is Godly sorry for sin and a turning away from it. How can she “totally resist” attempts for reconciliation? What choice does she have, but to reconcile with her husband, unless she is not sorry, and is saying she does not want the marriage. Even though you are afraid to say it, your wife is demonstrating a bi-sexual lifestyle. This is dangerous for the following reasons.
1. She claims to be a Christian
2. She is married
3. She has children
4. She is part of an extended family that rejects that lifestyle
5. She is going against the teachings of the Bible
Your wife should not be depressed because a family member has become sick as a result of her choice and behavior, she should be depressed over her own choice and behavior. So if the family member gets better will she start up the behavior again? Is her desire to be sexually involved with a woman wrong because it makes a family member sick or is it wrong because it makes God sick? Your wife is majoring in minor.
The Counsel I would give to your wife is:
1. Stop the behavior now
2. Repent and genuinely ask God for forgiveness
3. Tell you that she is sorry and ask for your forgiveness
4. Get some professional help to overcome her immoral nature
5. Cut off any connection with herself and this other woman
6. Spend time reading her Bible and praying
7. Know that the Bible only endorse heterosexual lifestyle and in the context of marriage
8. Avoid friends and the internet that have a negative influence on her.
I pray that God will bring healing to your heart and restore your family the way it once was. God bless and keep strong
For more information about Dr. Smith's services go to www.familyfixers.org