113. Neither my first nor my second husband would do intercourse
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Dear Dr. Smith

Neither my first nor my second husband would do intercourse, they just wanted to do bondage, discipline, oral, etc. and never intercourse. I tried to get them to, but they wouldn't. My sister told me that her husband mostly did those things too. She said no one does intercourse anymore, just oral, etc. Is that right according to the Bible? Is it right for a man to tell his wife she's going against the Bible if she doesn't submit to his abuse? I don't believe a God of love would say a woman has to submit to abuse. Am I wrong? Does the Bible give any sanction to do sex that way? I don't think so. Please advise.


Dear Advise Seeker,

You question and problem is so sadistic that I can understand the reason for your being so troubled. Your husband seems to have a depraved nature and only enjoys the un-natural use of the woman. I am sorry to hear of your marital misfortune. To have two sordid relationships is no bed of roses, but you seem to be a survivor and as such, will fight your way through life. Keep strong.

There are many issues emerging from your letter, however, the crux of the matter seems to be centered on sexuality. Your husband, your sister and some of your stepfamilies have planted seeds in your head about alternative forms of sex. You want to know if this is right and what is the Bible’s stand on the subject.

To begin with, the Bible does not endorse any other form of expressing sexuality than in the context of a heterosexual marital relationship through the use of the sexual organs. Despite the plethora of public endorsement for these other types of intercourse, the Bible makes it abundantly clear in Rom 1:24ff, that it is wrong. “Wherefore God also gave them up to uncleanness through the lusts of their own hearts, to dishonour their own bodies between themselves…”  v. 26--29: “For this cause God gave them up unto vile affections: for even their women did change the natural use into that which is against nature: And likewise also the men, leaving the natural use of the woman… And even as they did not like to retain God in their knowledge, God gave them over to a reprobate mind, to do those things which are not convenient; being filled with all unrighteousness, fornication, wickedness, (etc).” I hope the message is clear here.

Concerning your question on abuse. Abuse is never ever right, and no one should be required to submit to abuse. Tell your husband not to lie on the Bible. You are right; you should never have to submit to any form of abuse, not from your husband, not from anyone.

You have survived a number of marital and personal problems, I hope as the days go by you will experience more peace. I will be praying for you, keep trustful, hopeful and prayerful. Never give up on God because has never given up on you. God bless and thanks for your question.

Dr. Smith
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