115. I am seriously thinking of ending this marriage
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Dear Dr. Smith

My husband and I have been married for the past four years, but he resides in another country for personal issue. He has not given me any monetarily support, or anything, yet we have two children together. I am seriously thinking of ending this marriage, as it seems as if it is not based on love. I am the one that support him and sends him money. He does not call unless he wants something. I visit him every couple months to see him, but it seems as if he has another woman, for he rarely calls us or remember important dates like birthdays, anniversary, etc.

I have prayed and is praying that God will help me to decide what is best for my kids and I. My question to you is what is the ground for divorce? For I know what the Bible states, yet I do love this man and would like to see him be a man and to help me more.
Thanks a lot.

Dear Separated Spouse.

I deeply empathized with you and your apparent troubling marital situation. Four years is a very short time to be talking about divorce. There are some information about your relationship that is missing. For example; why is your husband living in this country? What do you mean by personal issues? Are these issues, mental, psychological, medical or criminal? Why isn’t he working? How long since he has been living apart from you?

Without answers to these question, it is difficult to provide you with clinical and spiritual counsel. If he is not giving any support to you and the children, why are you sending money to him? And if you choose to send money to him, then stop complaining that he is not sending money for the family. If you are enabling his behavior why complain?

Why are you doing the visiting and not him? Is it that he is illegal in the country and can’t travel? If that is the case, you are in for a long hall, because immigration papers for illegal residents are getting more and more difficult to obtain. Thousands and thousands of marriages have been destroyed because of this. If that is the case, before you know it, you will be a divorced woman and he is married to someone else in order to get his legal stay in that country. And please, don’t be fooled into thinking that he will re-marry you.

If you have substantive proof that he is fooling around with another woman, then that in and of itself is grounds for divorce. To be more specific to your question, though, your question is, “what is the grounds for divorce?” you went on to say, “you know what the Bible states” well, I do not have any more light than that of the Bible. Therefore, what the Bible states is what I endorse.
You say you love him still and that’s OK, but make sure your love is not blind and it is tough enough. Also, remember, you cannot make him into a man. He has to be a man for himself. I pray things will work out in the best interest for you and your children.

God bless.

Dr. Smith
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