123. He is texting his private part to ladies...
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Dear Dr. Smith

I am a single mother and my daughter adores her father, there is no one like him in her eyes. Now, I happened to receive an email suggesting that he is texting his private area to ladies. I am so disgusted and bothered by this. I think about my daughter and his behavior, I wonder sometimes if she should not spend over nights with him. I am so troubled Dr. Smith. 
I am trying not to entertain this thought. What should I do?

Dear Troubled Mother,

You are between a rock and the deep blue sea. I wish I had a quick and easy answer for you, but I don’t. Frankly, I am at a lost for words as to what to say to you, and I pray that God will guide me in counseling you.

First of all, it’s good that your daughter loves her dad, and you should do everything to foster that relationship. He is her father and she deserves a healthy relationship with him. Secondly, are you sure it is your husband’s private parts? Is this a case of “he who feels it knows it”? (just kidding). But seriously though, can you say without any doubt that this is indeed his private? Thirdly, where or how did your friend get this photo? Who gave it to him and why?

Fourthly, what facts do you have that he has sent this out to women? And I mean “facts”. To accuse someone of something of that magnitude, you need more than allegations you need FACTS. If you have the facts, then yes, there are some major problems ahead.

1.    If he is into pornography, then that has no ending. His nature would be depraved and with a depraved nature one never knows what else he may have or will do.
2.    Among the women he has allegedly sent this photo, are there any minors. This you would not know, but for argument sake, if he has, then trouble is brewing, and I can understand your fear.
3.    If he is into pornography, has he exposed your daughter to it and if not, when might it happen?
4.    You did not state the age of your daughter, but that also needs to be taken into the equation.

Having said all of that, you have to proceed very cautiously in handling this matter. Remember, everyone is innocent until proven guilty. If he sent photos of his private part to women, that does not mean that he will be a bad father to his daughter. Therefore, you cannot deny him visitation rights. However, if it were to be proven that this despicable behavior is habitual, you might want to gather your facts together and go into family court and request full custody, or supervised visits.

It would be far better for your daughter to loose her closeness with her dad than for her to be molested. Remember though, this is a far leap into thinking that he is molesting her. If you have doubts, then not only should you check her after each visit but when in doubt you should take her to her doctor. If your daughter is old enough, keep talking to her about not holding any secrets from Mommy.

I pray God that all of this is speculation. I pray that you will never have to feel that horrible pain and most of all I pray that you daughter will never, ever, have to go through that.

Keep vigilant, stay optimistic and never stop praying. God bless and keep me posted.

Dr. Smith
For more information about Dr. Smith's services go to www.familyfixers.org