Departments and Ministries
Dear Dr. Smith
Dear Dr. Smith,
I've been dating my co-worker in the same department for almost 2 1/2 years. At one point I broke up with him due to his cheating, lies and lack of commitment. A year has passed since we made up and I have seen some improvements but the commitment issue is still a problem.
More than a week ago I noticed that he's giving special favor to the new employee in our department, like dropping her home, (which is totally out of his way), giving her food, etc. Besides he started to act irrational with me when the woman is around, being sarcastic and rude. I got a chance to speak to the woman and found out that he's doing other favors outside the job and even invited her out, how sickening.
I must admit I was emotionally attached to him, I know I have to let go but I have such a hard time coping. I know I can do it but I need some help. My question is, shall I confront him about what he did and why he did it before ending this relationship or just be quite and walkaway( silent treatment)?
I made a mistake but I will not allow him to destroy my happiness and life again. Thank you and may God continue to bless you and your ministry.
Sister in Need.
Dear Sister in Need.
There is no question that your friend is cuckolding you, and you need to get out of that relationship as fast as you can. Here are the issues that you need to examine.
1. Dating a co-worker. Always be careful dating someone on the job. Not that anything in and of itself is wrong in doing so, but that your work environment can become a nightmare if the relationship did not work out. For example, in your case, you will have to face him and his new lover every day you go to work. That can be frustrating if you don’t know how to put things in perspective.
2. Not being committed and is cheating. “Red Flags”, once someone starts cheating and is not committed when you are dating, it will only go down hill after. If you should marry such a one, you will live a life of liverish. Thank God you saw it now.
3. Giving special favor to the new employee. “Red Flag” time to cut and run. Your friend is a ‘player’, maybe if you should check out his background you would see that you were not the first employee he showed special favor to, it’s his nature. Don’t court trouble, you are in the best position now to move on with your life.
4. Being sarcastic and rude. His true nature is coming out, better you find it out now than later. As painful as this might be for you, accept it as God’s leading. The only foolish thing that you could do now, is to try to make up again, then you would be setting yourself up for a bigger hurt.
5. Emotionally attached to him. Don’t be governed by your emotions but by your “BRAIN” you have seen enough and felt enough pain to know that this relationship is not going to work out. Therefore, empty your emotions and engage you brain.
6. Shall I confront him---or be quiet and walk away? Confronting him will not change anything. But by not confronting him, may keep you feeling guilty and wondering if you did the right thing. He already knew what he did, so, confronting him will not be helping him to discover his poor, cheap self. I would suggest that you write him a letter and tell him exactly how you feel about his behavior. Don’t write the letter though, if you are going to mince words, make apologies for his behavior, attempt a reconciliation or try to appease his feelings. Write the letter only of you have ended the relationship in your heart. Write the letter only if you have reached a state of no turning back. That is to say, even if he should say he is sorry and wants to make up, you know that you are not going back there because you have seen and felt enough to know this is not what God wants for you and this is not what you want for yourself. If you are not there yet, then don’t write the letter and keep dreaming for a reconciliation.
7. I made a mistake. I hope you have not cheapened yourself as to have had intimacy with him. Young ladies are not thinking these days. As they form relationships the next thing they are in bed with the person. No wonder the pain is so severe when the break up comes. There are too many damaged goods walking around in dressed up clothes. I pray that this is not your experience, and if it is, that you will learn from it and from now on, wait on marriage before intimacy.
God bless you and may He give you the strength to end this relationship and move on with your life. Have faith in him and keep on trusting Him with your life. I will be praying for you.
For more information about Dr. Smith's services go to www.familyfixers.org