Departments and Ministries
Dear Dr. Smith
Dear Dr. Smith,
Why won't the Lord remove the desire and attraction for women? It's very clear. If I don't desire a woman then it won't have to hurt not having one. That makes sense, right? Of course it does. God is all-powerful, if he wants he can easily remove the desire for women out of me forever. He can easily in the blink of an eye see to it that I don't desire a woman ever again. In that way it doesn't have to hurt not having one.
I'm 35 years old. I will be single for the rest of my life. That doesn't mean I have to spend the rest of my life being depress because I don't have a mate. Enough with all that, it's simple, all I want the Lord to do is to remove the desire for women out of my life forever. Just do it.
God does not work that way. He gives us all the power of choice; the fact that you have a desire for women does not mean that you have to act on it. You can choose not to. If God was to take away our free will then we would all be robots, without the ability to think, act, process, discern, decide, refuse, choose, etc.
There are several things one could ask why doesn’t the Lord remove. For example; Why doesn’t he remove hunger, pain, suffering, accidents, natural disasters, crimes, passion, anger, jealousy, etc.? Or one could ask, why good things happened to bad people and bad things happened to good people? When sin entered the universe, good and evil co-existed and until we get to the other side of Jordan there are some things we will have to endure.
The issue you are battling seems to be coming from a lack of healthy self-esteem. If you are a 35 years old male and have emotional feelings for the opposite sex, then there is no reason why you should not be able to find a woman. Unless of course, you are an abuser, on drugs, alcohol, doing crimes or a low-life drifter. I do not for one moment think that you are any of the above or any form of undesirable, therefore, there should be no reason why you cannot find a woman.
The issue therefor, is you. How do you see yourself? What has been your childhood past? Are there unresolved issues in your life? Have you been hurt by a significant other? Did you have a bad relationship with a woman and is afraid to try again? How were you socialized to view women? What are your fears, frustrations or ambivalence? Is there a sexual dysfunction?
I am sorry to say that God is not going to remove your desire just like that, however, through cognitively restructuring your thought process, you can have lesser and lesser desires for women. This may need the help of a therapist. Honestly though, is it that you don’t want to have a desire for women or is it that you can’t find a desirable woman? Is your plead with God an act of the “sour grape syndrome”?
I think you should first decide within yourself, do you want to have a family or do you not. Once you have decided, then you act on your decision. You either build your life in a positive way to include a woman or you decide they are not for you and you move on and stop bugging God to remove feelings that you are burying.
In everything you do, keep trusting that “He who began a good work in you will see you through to the end.” God bless and stay optimistic and strong.
For more information about Dr. Smith's services go to www.familyfixers.org