135. Am I selfish in asking God for a man?
Home > Departments and Ministries > Family Ministries > Dear Dr. Smith >

Dear Dr. Smith,

I would like to understand why I pray for a partner, and now at 34, I don't have one. Does God really understand how I feel? Am I selfish in asking Him for a God-fearing man and children? Most of my friends are married, even younger ones. Would God force me to be single, knowing that I will be gazing at peoples’ babies and wishing I could have a family too? I know, He attends to our desires, especially when they are mingled with a desire to serve Him. I totally believe in His timing.
On another note, non-Adventist men are interested in me, and I am so tempted to give in, but cannot.I just hate it! Why do I adore families and cannot have one of my own? I need to just understand this.

Dear Wondering,
Your concern and questions are not unique to you. There are thousands of other single Christian ladies that are asking similar questions. I wish I had an answer but I don’t know the mind of God. It is amazing that shortly after you spoke to me in person, another lady came up to me and started asking the opposite questions. Her concern was, "How can I get out of my toxic marriage." She was wondering why God is not answering her prayers. So, on the one had, some people are praying to get married and on the other hand, some people are praying to get out of their marriage. It's a sad mix of doom and gloom.

To be more specific to your queries though, let me say that nothing is wrong in asking God for a husband, there is nothing selfish about that. As you already know, our duty is to ask, His will is to answer, but the answer might not be to our liking. Is God forcing you to be single? Well, how do I answer the persons who ask, “Is God forcing me to be a widow? Is God forcing me to be a divorcee? Is God forcing me to be childless? Is God forcing me to be poor? Is God forcing me to be sick? Is God forcing me to have Down Syndrome? Do you see my point? I cannot truly explain why bad thing, sad things or disappointing things happen to good people, I can only say it’s all part of the sin problem and until we get to heaven we wont have all the answers down here.

The notion of dating non-Adventist men does not solve your problem; as a matter of fact, it only makes matters worse. Do you remember the Abraham story and how he tried to help out God by going to his handmaid and producing a son, Ishmael? Have you traced the descendants of Ishmael and see the havoc they have caused and are causing upon the land? We do not need to help out God; we just need to wait upon him. My favorite text is Ps 27:14 “Wait on the Lord: be of good courage, and He shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the Lord.”

Finally, you asked, “Why do I adore family and cannot have one?” There are many things in life I adore, that are good for me, but I cannot have them. I wish I could, but I have accepted the fact that I cant. I can only pray Saint Francis of Assi’, prayer, “O God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.” I pray God that, that prayer will be yours as well, that is to say, to accept the things you cannot change. God bless and thanks for your question.

Dr. Smith
For more information about Dr. Smith's services go to www.familyfixers.org