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Dear Dr. Smith
Dear Dr. Smith,
I was wondering what is the ideal age gap for people dating with the hope of getting married. I am 27 years and was asked out by a man who is 44 years. He is a Christian, never married before looking for a life partner. Will this make a sensible union? Is it wise to get involved? kindly advise.
Most people will tell you that a man that is three to five years older is ideal for a woman to marry. However, this is not necessarily true. There is no set age difference for marriage harmony and marriage happiness. There are certain issues, however, that should be taken into consideration when considering age differences in marriage.
1. Females tend to live longer than males
2. Older men may be looking to find their fountain of youth again
3. It can be a control issue. Older men may feel that they can control a younger wife
4. The gap between ages may later show how little they have in common
5. When two people are not at the same maturation stage, more conflicts may arise.
What you are telling me is that a man that is seventeen (17) years older than you is showing interest. Clearly, this is not an ideal age difference for marriage. It is not impossible however, for the marriage to work. You should take into consideration the following factors though;
1. At age 44, why is it that he is not married as yet?
2. Where is he in his educational development?
3. Where is he in his economic development?
4. Are there any child/children involved?
5. Dose he have a profession or a job?
6. How many serious relationships were he in before and how long did they last?
7. How long has he been a Christian?
Too frequently Christian ladies marry a “body” thinking that that "body" will bring them companionship and happiness, but all too soon they discovered that it was just a “dead body” they picked up. The “body” has no meaningful job, no career, no education, no assets, no progress, just a “body”, and what was supposed to be marital bliss becomes marital blister.
To know if he is the right person for you, here are some signs to look for as the relationship progress.
1. His level of spiritual maturity
2. His faithfulness to God in tithe and offering
3. How he keeps the Sabbath
4. Does he want intimacy before marriage
5. How progressive is he
6. Does he relate well with his family
7. Is he always strapped for cash
8. Is he borrowing money from you
9. What is the level of compatibility between you both
10. Do you genuinely love him or just want a “body”
I pray that these issues raised will help you to make an informed decision. Whatever you do, please don’t fail to take it to the Lord in prayer first. God bless and I wish you the best. Please keep me posted.
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