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139. Is it cheating if a husband masturbates to porn or...
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Dear Dr. Smith

Is it considered cheating against his wife if a husband masturbates to porn or any picture of a female other than his wife and continues after repeated plans to stop and get help for over 25 years?

The fact that you have asked this question tells me that you want help badly and that it is eating away at your soul and for a long time. Therefore, let me quickly provide you with a professional and a spiritual response.

Spiritually speaking the answer is “YES”. It is cheating against your wife to masturbate when watching porn or other females. The bible is very clear on this mater, “Whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart.” (Matt 5:27) It’s called spiritual adultery.

Besides the adulterous act, it affects the mind. One author puts it this way, “The habit of self-abuse has debased their minds and tainted their souls. (White. Child Guidance p 439ff.) “When persons are addicted to the habit of self-abuse, it is impossible to arouse their moral sensibilities to appreciate eternal things or to delight in spiritual exercises.” (White. Testimony to the Church 2:470)

Professionally speaking, you should not be watching porn, period. In there lies your problem. The day you give up porn will be a new beginning for you. Your weakness to masturbate is strengthened by your viewing of pornographic material. Those two toxic mix are at best the loss of self-respect and at worst crippling to any healthy emotion.

Possible consequences of masturbation are: Sexual dysfunction, marital conflicts, loss of self-worth, guilt and self-reproach, anxiety and frustration, self-pleasuring becomes chronic, headache, shame, and other maladaptive behavior.
There is also the issue of mistrust on the part of the wife. When you self-pleasure, use porn or lust after other women, you diminish your wife and make her feel less secure in the relationship. Also, she feels inadequate to satisfy your sexual needs and so she may give up on sex or the marriage.

Twenty-five years have passed and still you did not get the professional help you promised yourself. Now talking time is over, as they say, “talk is cheap” so,  “stop the talking and do the walking.” It is time you pick yourself up by the bootstrap and go get some professional help. That is the best gift that you can give yourself. Your wife will thank you for it and you will feel good inside once more. Besides, God will be please with you.

I hope to hear from you again, as you keep me posted on your progress. God bless and remember, “4 U I am praying”.

Dr. Smith
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