148. When I'm angry I turn to sex
Home > Departments and Ministries > Family Ministries > Dear Dr. Smith >
.
Dear Dr. Smith,

Sometimes I feel like I'm a bad person but its hard to let go of the only man that brings out the best in me. I was sexually abuse by my two stepfathers and a stepbrother. I have done some bad things and it’s because of what I went through. I realized that when I'm angry I turn to sex, I couldn't have enough of it. Sometimes I would also resort to stealing. This guy that I am in love with is married, however, he doesn't make me feel like doing those things anymore. I really feel loved and you know that love can change anybody. I'm 32 and I have 3 kids my son is xxxyrs old and my daughters are xx and xxyrs old. I do my best for them but still I think I deserve to be happy please give me your sincere opinion. Thanks


Dear Confused Person,

You are not a bad person you have only done some bad things. If you stop doing the bad things you will find your life more beautiful and meaningful. I agree with you one hundred percent that you deserve to be happy, however, you are going about your happiness the wrong way. At 32 years of age you should not have had three children and at the rate at which you are going another one will soon be on its way.

That married man that you are feeling so much love for is wrong. The feelings are wrong, the relationship is wrong and trust me, the way you are feeling about him, it’s not the way he is feeling about you. He is just using you for sexual gratification. You are just a piece of meet that he is devouring. I know you are going to tell me how he expressed his love to you and all the juicy things he has said to you but they are called “verbiage”, “lines”, “lyrics”, “lying tactics”. I am quite sure the sex is great now, but the pain of rejection will be greater, the tears will be heavier, and the disappointment will be real. It’s just a matter of time, what goes up comes down, what gores around comes around.

It is sad to hear of your childhood sexual molestation and I do understand how it can cause you to feel like damaged goods. However, it’s a matter of perception, not reality. Not everyone who was molested as a youth has resorted to sex and feelings of low self-esteem. Many have been able to pick up the broken pieces of their life and turn it into a beautiful symphony of self.

You are not a victim but a survivor and the more you see yourself as a survivor, the more you will overcome your brokenness and move beyond your pain to your possibilities. It is the more you will see your self as a magnificent piece of God’s creation. You need to end the relationship with this married man now. Avoid having any more children unless you are in a marital relationship, and start focusing on your education and make better of your life.

Those who neglected or hurt you in the past will have to stand before the judgment bar of God. Take comfort in the fact that he will never leave you nor forsake you. Turn your life over complete to Him again, repent of your sins and ask Him for the peace that your soul so desperately crave. Give God a chance to guide your life back to the pathway of hope.

I will be praying for you. Be blessed

Dr. Smith
For more information about Dr. Smith's services go to www.familyfixers.org