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Dear Dr. Smith
Dear Dr. Smith
I am in love with a young lady but married another because I felt the one I was in love with did not love me. My wife and I are now getting a divorce because she is pretentious and unreal. Can I marry the woman I am truly in love with if she will have me?
Dear In-Love with the Wrong Person,
Yes you can marry her as long as your divorce is on Biblical grounds. Divorce in the church is becoming so prevalent these day that we sometimes forget that there are biblical guidelines for divorce and re-marriage. If the divorce you are getting is not on biblical grounds, then you better think twice before re-marriage.
Kindly remember that your first marriage is still endorsed by God, and that not every divorce is a divorce in the eyes of God. (See Lk 16:18; Mark 10:11). It seems to me that the emotional distraction you had with your first love has led to the demise of your true marriage. Anyway, before you act so quickly, kindly answer the following questions.
1. Were you in contact with the young lady you are in love with anytime during your marriage?
2. If the one you loved then did not love you, why do you think she will love you now?
3. The last time I checked, being pretentious and unreal were not grounds for divorce, where did you get this idea from?
4. Did you seek professional marital therapy for your marriage?
5. Isn’t it strange that you are thinking about re-marriage even before you get a divorce?
6. You described your wife as pretentious, and you asked me if you can marry the woman you are truly in love with, what adjective(s) then, would you use to describe yourself, having married someone you fooled into thinking that you loved them supremely?
I pray that you will reconsider your desire for a divorce and will seek marriage counseling instead. Remember, the grass is not always greener on the other side and what goes around comes around.
For more information about Dr. Smith's services go to www.familyfixers.org