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Dear Dr. Smith
Dear Dr. Smith
I met this young man, who is very interested in me. Well, he was in a long-term relationship before, and that relationship produced two children. After the woman got pregnant the first time, they started living together. He wasn't a Christian then but later he got converted and became one. He also led his ex to become a Christian. Things didn't work out and they separated four years ago. Now he wants to court and marry me. My question is, is it wise to have a serious relationship that will lead to marriage considering what has happened in his past?
Thanks for reaching out to me. I read your question and I can understand the reasons for your concern. Biblically speaking, nothing is wrong in marrying this person, however, there are some implications that you should examine carefully.
1. Is he totally cut off from his first relationship? Are there any feelings? Is he telling you everything, or just what you want to hear? What is their level of communication? And through what medium do they communicate if they communicate?
2. If they don't communicate, where is he in the life of his children? What kind of a relationship does he have with them? Do they visit him, does he visit them? Do they talk at all?
3. Is he paying child support, and if so how much? Can he afford to support two children and a new family? What work is he doing, how financially secure is he?
4. If he has no communication with his children, if he is not paying child support, then you must ask yourself the tough question, what kind of a man is this? Two children and no support, two children and no relationship! If that is so, then it speaks to his character and marriage will not change that character it will only make it worse.
5. Will he ask you later to take his children in, are you prepare to take in two children who may not like you and give you all the pain your heart could ever feel?
6. If he is genuinely in love with you, has cut all ties with his ex, is providing support for his children, has a job or a profession, is responsible and caring, and truly loves the Lord, then I can see no reason why you could not go into a serious relationship with him, with the hope of marriage some day.
7. If you can answer these questions satisfactorily from your brain and not your emotion then I see no reasons why you could not get into a committed relationship with him.
I hope my response is of some help and I wish you all the best and pray that God will work things out for you according to his will and plan for your life.
Above all, make it a matter of prayer; talk with trusted people, a pastor an elder, not just your friends. Do you home work carefully. Remember, relationships are easy to form but hard to keep. God bless and keep me posted.
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