167. I need your help to overcome this pain
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Dear Dr. Smith

Seven months ago I lost my only child - a son, at the tender age of 21. I need your help to overcome this pain and your prayer for comfort, peace, mental and physical healing. I am falling apart, please help.


Dear Friend,
I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your only child, your sona at such tender age. I cannot begin to imagine your pain and sorrow, especially since I have never lost a child. But if I should reflect on the loss of both of my parents and the pain I endured, then, yes, I can begin to understand your pain and brokenness. Death has always been an unwelcome guest. And when it visits, it creates devastation, trauma, anger, sadness, depression, denial and fear. The only hope for death, is Christ’s return, when He shall conquer both death and the grave.

It is quite possible that you have lost your appetite, overeating, experiencing lack of sleep or over-sleeping. Whatever the symptom you are experiencing, please note that nothing is wrong with you; it is all part of the grieving process. However, you cannot grieve for ever, you cannot stay in your pain for ever, you have to pick up the broken pieces of your life and by God's grace, mend them. You have to face your daily chores with the pain in your heart and do them. You have to wake up not wanting to pray and still pray, you have to allow your tears to wet your pillow, and then wake up the next day and smile. You see, life breaks us all, but afterwards many of us are stronger at the broken place.

You must therefore accept the reality of your given situation. Your son is "dead" and there is nothing you, anyone or I can do to bring him back. However, you have life, and you must take that life and live it well as best as you can by God's grace. You have to work through your pain, anger, disappointment and sadness. You must do the things you have to do. And stay close to the heart of God.

Finally, you must move beyond your brokenness. You must strengthen your mental, emotional and psychological resolve to overcome the loss. Seven months is sufficient time for your grief. Therefore, it’s time to stop the grieving and move on with your healing. I am not asking you to forget him, I am not asking you to reject him, and I am not asking you not to feel sad sometimes. What I am asking you to do, is to treasure the fond memories you have of him and let go of any depressive feelings. Stop the crying, stop feeling sorry for him or yourself, and stop feeling helpless, because God's strength is available to you. He has promised that He will never leave you nor forsake you. (Heb 13:6)

Be assured that I will be praying for you. Yes, to loose your only child is indeed painful, but your God who feels pain heals pain. I will pray that He will give you the strength to heal and to move on, and when you pray, trust Him. Remember, if you pray don't worry and if you worry don't pray.

Keep courage, you are still a part of His plan. May He give you the strength to get over your loss and the peace your heart so badly crave.
Have a blessed day.

Dr. Smith
For more information about Dr. Smith's services go to www.familyfixers.org