170. Deep down inside I just feel that he's lying to me
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Dear Dr. Smith,

I was born a SDA Christian but drifted away. Later in life I met a guy and decided to get pregnant in order to escape from my family. Things went very well until my son’s dad was killed. My family made peace with me because I took the death so hard, they thought I was going to die.

A few months later I was introduced to a male friend. Unfortunately, I ended up being pregnant for him also. He became very abusive and started cheating, so I left him. I stayed alone for a very long time until I met another guy. He is not a Christian and I followed his religion for a while.  

Things were going well until I discovered that he was married. He is still insisting that I am the one he loves and wants to build a life with me. However, deep down inside I just feel that he's lying to me. So much has happened between us that I just don't know what to do.

I love him a lot, but I feel I don't have a future with him, now that I am thinking of going back to church and change my life. How do I get over him? I think so much about him. Folks often say that I can have any guy I want so why do I just want him?

Is he really sincere when he says he loves me? My kids love him so much. I've been through a lot and he was there for me. I am confused. What should I do?

Please help.

Dear Confused Friend,
I sensed the travail of your soul, and I hear your confusion. First of all, you are seeking healing for your troubled soul in all the wrong places, "Men". Until you find peace with yourself and God, you are drinking from a broken cistern that can hold no water.

You have to guard your body better and take more pride in yourself. Sexual pleasure does not bring lasting, peaceful satisfaction, just temporary, human gratification. However, human gratification cannot satisfy the longings of the human soul. Men are there to tell you what you want to hear so that you can lower your moral and spiritual bar. Unfortunately, after they have jumped over you lowered bar sufficiently, they move on to the next low bar.

That puts me right to your married friend. He once had a bar that he told all the beautiful words of love to. To the point that she not only believed him but married him. But after jumping for some time he left her and came to you. But without telling you that he is married he started his jumping. Is that the diamond that you want?

Which part of your brain does not tell you that it’s just a matter of time and he will find another woman to start jumping again. When you see red flags, harden not your heart. I know you love him, and he has done a lot for you and has been there for you. But he is married, deceitful and devilish and what appears to be fine gold now will turn base metal later, just ask his wife. You must end this relationship, send him back to his wife and move on with your life. This is not easy to do, but with God all things are possible. Remember, what goes around comes around, if you don’t break it up, what his wife is now feeling, you will feel later. “Be not be deceived, God is not mocked, whatsoever a man sows that shall he also reap”.

I wish for you the best; I can only assure you that if you don’t change that course of direction, you will regret it. I commend you for wanting to go back to Church. Listen to the voice of God when He speaks. He still has a plan for your life, don’t give up on Him. Go back to your roots and folly that direction.

God bless.
Dr. Smith
For more information about Dr. Smith's services go to www.familyfixers.org