171. My wife does not like to have sex anymore
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Dear Dr. Smith

My wife does not like to have sex anymore.

Dear Friend,

I am sorry to hear of your family problem. I pray that some spiritual and marital intervention will take place before it is too late. The fact that you say “anymore” means that she use to like it, therefore, something must have brought about the change. Here are some possible causative factors why she may not like to having sex anymore.

1. Childhood wounds- that is to say, some significant other could have hurt her during her childhood. Those wounds or cars have not been healed; instead they were placed in repressed memory. Unfortunately, they are now having a negative effect on her and the marriage.

2. Childhood sexual molestation, including incest. This has some similarity to childhood wounds, but differ in nature and scope. Sexual molestation has both emotional and psychological consequences. She may now fear sex as a result of her childhood trauma.

3. Rape. It is possible that she might have been raped as a teenager or adult. If so, then transference might be taking place. She would be transferring on to you all the negative emotions she felt and might be feeling towards the rapist.

4. Sexual dysfunction. There are three main sexual dysfunctions that are unique to women, these are, female sexual arousal sisorder, inhibited female orgasm and vaginismus. It is quite possible that one of these might be affecting her now.

5. Female maturation.  The process of female maturation might be taking place. That is to say, depending on her age and her biological make up, hormone deficiency, her body may not be responding positively to sex.

6. Guilt or self-reproach. She could be feeling guilty over past mistakes or very hard on herself. Thus her conscience precludes her from being emotional.

7. Physical, emotional and psychological abuse. She might be an abused victim, and as such, her emotional body has shut down.

8. Unfaithfulness. Her husband has cheated or is cheating on her and she has not forgiven him.

9. Spiritual orientation. Some girls are brought up with fanatical thinking parents or caregivers, they in calculated in them that sex is dirty, morbid and sinful. Some of these girls grow up with that mentality and even though they get married, because that negative concept of sex is engraved in their cranium, they later refuse to copulate with their spouse. Or they have lost interest and desire for sex.

Now it would not be good for you to become her therapist and to start psychoanalyzing her problem. The best thing to do, is for both of you to go in for professional marital counseling and for her to have a visit to her personal doctor.

I pray that things will get better for you and her in the near future. God bless.

Dr. Smith
For more information about Dr. Smith's services go to www.familyfixers.org