173. I was dumped by a girl I truly loved...
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Dear Dr. Smith
I recently lost my dad and was dumped by a girl I really loved. The pain of these losses is unreal. I feel hopeless and defeated. Please help.

Dear Friend,
I am truly sorry to learn of the death of your dad. I can empathize with you, because I have lost my dad also. I know how it feels and I can only tell you from experience, that the pain will eventually go.

Concerning the situation with your girlfriend, that also hurts. As a matter of fact it hurts more because of the vulnerable position you are in. You said the pain of those losses are "unreal" but I want you to know that they are real, your feelings are real, your brokenness is real and your hurt is real. I don't want you to be in denial. I want you to accept the reality of your given situation. Denial lingers the pain, acceptance allow you to get over it.

I do not know the causative factors for your girlfriend leaving, some may be as a result of your behavior, the rest hers. It is good to know how you contributed to the problem, so that in the future you can avoid those mistakes. All of us must learn from our mistakes and seek to strengthen our weak areas. It is by so doing that we become a better and stronger person.

Feelings of hopelessness and self-defeat are quite natural in situations like yours. You need to stay in control of those feelings rather than allowing them to control you. In other words, manage the loss; don't let the loss manage you. Remember, your feelings do not determine your strength; it is your self-will, sheered determination, positive stance and a relationship with Jesus Christ.

Here are some practical suggestions that should help you to cope:
  • Accept the reality of your loss
  • Work through your pain rather than agonizing over it
  • Think positively, this too will pass away
  • Be courageous and optimistic
  • Start making plans for your future rather than being bogged down with the past
  • If your light goes out, try striking another match
  • See yourself as an overcomer rather than a victim
  • Trust in God with all your heart
  • Above all, take it to the Lord in prayer
Remember, God will provide the healing your heart deserves. I will continue to pray for you, keep courage, stay strong and may God bless.

Dr. Smith
For more information about Dr. Smith's services go to www.familyfixers.org