Departments and Ministries
Dear Dr. Smith
Dear Dr. Smith,
I have recently been divorced, not my choice, and I am still hurting over the whole situation. My ex goes to the same church as I do and every time I see him I get so angry as if my blood is on fire. I try to keep a calm disposition though. I tell myself that I have forgiven him but have I really? What can I do to stop feeling this way?
I empathize with you and your failed marriage. The feelings of anger, bitterness and possible hatred that you are experience are quite natural and normal. Eventually, by the grace of God these feelings will all go away. Just give yourself the time to heal.
I commend you for still going to your church. Unfortunately, some people think they need to leave their church when facing crisis like yours. They seek a “geographic cure”. I am glad you choose to remain right there. Your next step is to start developing resilience. In other words, don't go to church looking morbid, sad, distress, hopeless, angry, annoyed and pensive. Go to church with vigor, vim and vivacity. Act as if he is not there, and steer through him when he looks at you. Also, stay active in church; volunteer to do things, be visible, you are not in hiding. Do the up in your face thing. Talk with people, have friends, dress nicely, go to the hair dresser, invite people over for a Sabbath dinner, Friday evening supper & vesper, Saturday night hang out. Give yourself no time to be jaded or morose.
Let him wonder why you are so active and so pleasant. Take charge of your life, live well, beat back the pain, lift up your head, be smart, be sweet, and keep close to your God in prayer. Don't live for him, live for God, serve humanity and pamper your self.
Go and enjoy your life and leave the painful past behind, you are not the first person that has gotten a divorce and certainly not the last. You have nothing to be a shame of, trust you God and do the right.
I will be praying for you.
For more information about Dr. Smith's services go to www.familyfixers.org