184. I felt like God hated me because I...
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Dear Dr. Smith,

I have been a Christian but no matter how much I prayed I have never received any confirmation or even a sign that I was listened to. It just seemed the more I prayed the more pain and suffering I endured. So I stopped. I have pain in my heart, ever since I was a little girl I felt like God hated me because I endured sexual abuse by my older brother. I am begging God for peace; I need peace in my heart for all the abuse I endured in my life.

My husband and I are separated and all I want is to get him back. I love him with my heart and soul. My daughter suffers because we are separated. It all stemmed from the abuse I endured. Why does God let children suffer? Why?

Dear Friend,
I am glad you gave your heart to Jesus and even though you feel like Jesus is not hearing you, He is. Remember you cannot comprehend God for His ways are past finding out (Rom 11:33). As I listened to you, there are two areas of your life that I need to address, the emotional and the spiritual. Let me start with the emotional.

You have been badly bruised, bruised in childhood and bruised in adult years. The scars are still with you and it will be difficult for you to form any meaningful relationship or even to maintain a good one with your daughter, if you do not get some professional help. Certainly, you have been victimized but you are not a victim, you are an overcomer. You see:
  • Victims feel sorry for themselves;
  •  Survivors feel sorry for the perpetrators
  • Victims frequently enslave themselves;
  • Survivors frequently liberate themselves.
  • Victims are sometimes stuck in the past;
  • Survivors reach out for new possibilities
  • Victims are engulfed in learned helplessness;
  • Survivors are conquerors and overcomers.
  • Victims ask the “why” question: Why me, Lord?
  • Survivors ask the “how” question: How can I be stronger Lord?
It is truly sad to hear of the abuse you endured but you can choose to sink with it or you can float up and leave the abuse at the bottom. Your fail marriage is yet another source of pain, you have echoed your greatest desire to be re-united with your husband. Only God knows if that will ever happen.  In the mean time you have to be strong for yourself and your daughter.

Now the spiritual: You ask the question why does God make children suffer? Another way to phrase your question is; "Why do bad things happen to good people?" Here are three suggestions.

1. We are part of a sinful world. Rom 5: 12 Wherefore, as by one man sin entered into the world, and death by sin; and so death passed upon all men. Cosmic conflicts, natural disasters and human sufferings are all as a result of the entrance of sin.

2. There is no Christian City of refuge. (Read Num. 35 and the purpose of cities of refuge) The church is not a city of refuge, if it was, there would be more churches on the earth that cars and trucks combined. And people would be in he church not because of their love for God but because of their desire to be sheltered from their personal storms of life.

3. To teach us patience. James 1: 3-4: My brethren count it all joy when ye fall into diverse temptations, knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience.   

God did not create a child to suffer, he did not create you or me to suffer, it is the devil that cause suffering. In the parable of the wheat and tares (Matt 13), when the servants saw the tares growing among the wheat, they asked who did this? The Master gave the answer, “an enemy hath done this.” (v.28).

Why tragedy happens, we may not truly know, but you and I must learn to trust the hand of God even in the greatest of tragedies. The following words were found penned on the walls of a prison cell in Europe.
"I believe in the sun even when it is not shining, I believe in love even when I don't feel it and I believe in God even when He is silent."

Only God knows why bad things happen to good people or why a child would suffer, but the one assurance I can give you is this, if you remain faithful to Him despite your challenges, one day God shall wipe away all tears from your eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away. Rev 21:4

Keep hoping, return to your Lord and start going to church regularly for one day He will make all things new for you.
God bless and I will be praying for you.

Dr. Smith
For more information about Dr. Smith's services go to www.familyfixers.org