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Dear Dr. Smith
Dear Dr. Smith
I am a Christian married woman that is very confused. I have been married for six years with one child. Over a year and a half now, I am emotionally disconnected from my husband and during that time I haven't got an orgasm until this day. Last Sunday he asked me if I don't love him anymore and I honestly said yes. Is it wrong to admit how I feel about him?
There is another problem. I am still in love with my High school sweetheart after 20 years. He is single and said that I am the woman for him. Why am I still getting this feeling for him after so many years? We are talking for over two years now. I tried many times to disconnect myself from my High school sweetheart but the feeling is still there. Help! I don't want to leave my husband.
Dear Confused wife,
Your confusion is of your own doing. Please note that you have not said anything negative about your husband. I don’t assume he is perfect, but I have concluded that he is not the problem in the marriage. Are you surprised that you are emotionally disconnected from him? Are you surprised that you do not get orgasm during intimacy? And am I surprised that you admitted to your husband that you have no emotional feelings for him?
You have been brutally blunt with you husband, does that appease your conscience? The path you are going down with your high school sweet heart will soon be to you a bed of hell, if you do not change course. It’s just a matter of time, “Be not deceived, God is not mocked, for whatsoever a man soweth that shall he also reap” (Gal 6:7). “For he that soweth to his flesh shall of the flesh reap corruption (Gal 6:8). “He that soweth iniquity shall reap vanity” (Pro 22:8) It’s called “Poetic Justice”, it’s the “dog and bone syndrome”.
If you are truly serious of not wanting to leave your husband and your cry for help is genuine, then here are the immediate steps that you must take.
1. End the relationship with your high school lover, now.
2. Don’t go into any emotional discussion as to why you are ending it.
3. Just say to him, “I am done, it’s over, reasons be, it’s sinful, diabolic, disgusting, disrespectful, repugnant and dangerous.
4. Any prolong discussion and explanation will leave a trail of hope for the future.
5. Delete all social network contacts including phone numbers and email.
6. Stop your daydreaming, chastise yourself, flush your emotional desires and cremate your sympathetic feelings for him.
7. Ask your husband to forgive you for what you said to him and how you have been acting towards him.
8. Start loving, respecting and cherishing your husband again.
9. Stabilize your marriage, let your child grow up in a wholesome environment and start setting and example for you little one.
10. Pray and fast and ask God to forgive you and to cleanse you from all unrighteousness.
I am glad you had the courage to reach out for help, you must now go the next step and implement these 10 suggestions I have given you. You have a heart that is good but practice evil. Change it to a heart that is good and practice good. I will be praying for you. I believe you can turn your emotional marriage around, by the grace of God. Please do so before you make any further irrational decision that will eventually lead to an irrational conclusion.
God bless, stay strong and I wish you God’s grace in your endeavors.
For more information about Dr. Smith's services go to www.familyfixers.org