198. Thinking of getting married in secret because...
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Dear Dr. Smith,

I have a question about marriage. God has blessed my boyfriend and me with each other. We got together though prayer and now we are facing a vary hard temptation were getting married is the only way to resolve it. We are thinking about getting married in secret because of the fact that some of my family members think he is my biggest mistake. Is it right in God’s eyes for us to marry in secret? Please give Bible Verses for this. Thank you.


Dear Friend,
Thanks for reaching out to me with your situation. I can see that you are madly in love and the sexual desires are strong. However, do not allow your immediate need for sexual gratification to cloud your judgment. Marriage is not something to be done in secret, marriage is an institution created by God, (Gen 2:24) and should be conducted in the best possible way. If you have to hide to do it, you may live to regret it.

I do not know for sure why some of your family members think he is your biggest mistake and they are probably right, maybe they are seeing what you don’t want to see. Therefore, reflect again and examine some pertinent questions with me.

1. How mature and ready are you both for marriage?
2. What is the level of your educational preparation?
3. Are you both working and do you have secure jobs?
4. Can you financially sustain a family?
5. Why are your family members objecting and what are his family members saying?
6. Do you both love and respect each other's family?
7. How do you resolve conflicts?
8. How does he control his anger and impulse?
9. Are there children from past relationships?
10. Is there verbal or physical abuse in the friendship now?

I am sorry I cannot find any Bible verses to support or not support secret marriages except to say that Paul admonishes in 1Cor 4:5 that God will bring to light the hidden things of darkness or Luke 8:17 “For there is nothing hidden that will not be disclosed, and nothing concealed that will not be known or brought out into the open.” (NIV)

In my spiritual and professional opinion, I do not think that it is right for you to marry in secret and the reasons you have given did not help the case. I hope you will think again and avoid this mistake. If he is to be the one that God has appointed for you, then allow God to work it out for you in the right way so that you can celebrate with family and friends a marriage that is to last for life.
God bless and remember that I am praying for you.

Dr. Smith
For more information about Dr. Smith's services go to www.familyfixers.org