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Dear Dr. Smith
Dear Dr. Smith,
I have a question about marriage. God has blessed my boyfriend and me with each other. We got together though prayer and now we are facing a vary hard temptation were getting married is the only way to resolve it. We are thinking about getting married in secret because of the fact that some of my family members think he is my biggest mistake. Is it right in God’s eyes for us to marry in secret? Please give Bible Verses for this. Thank you.
Thanks for reaching out to me with your situation. I can see that you are madly in love and the sexual desires are strong. However, do not allow your immediate need for sexual gratification to cloud your judgment. Marriage is not something to be done in secret, marriage is an institution created by God, (Gen 2:24) and should be conducted in the best possible way. If you have to hide to do it, you may live to regret it.
I do not know for sure why some of your family members think he is your biggest mistake and they are probably right, maybe they are seeing what you don’t want to see. Therefore, reflect again and examine some pertinent questions with me.
1. How mature and ready are you both for marriage?
2. What is the level of your educational preparation?
3. Are you both working and do you have secure jobs?
4. Can you financially sustain a family?
5. Why are your family members objecting and what are his family members saying?
6. Do you both love and respect each other's family?
7. How do you resolve conflicts?
8. How does he control his anger and impulse?
9. Are there children from past relationships?
10. Is there verbal or physical abuse in the friendship now?
I am sorry I cannot find any Bible verses to support or not support secret marriages except to say that Paul admonishes in 1Cor 4:5 that God will bring to light the hidden things of darkness or Luke 8:17 “For there is nothing hidden that will not be disclosed, and nothing concealed that will not be known or brought out into the open.” (NIV)
In my spiritual and professional opinion, I do not think that it is right for you to marry in secret and the reasons you have given did not help the case. I hope you will think again and avoid this mistake. If he is to be the one that God has appointed for you, then allow God to work it out for you in the right way so that you can celebrate with family and friends a marriage that is to last for life.
God bless and remember that I am praying for you.
For more information about Dr. Smith's services go to www.familyfixers.org
- 200. I’m feisty and I have no control over bad words
- 199. Is it wrong to be so close to him without...
- 198. Thinking of getting married in secret because...
- 197. Is taking my... to a "gay" wedding
- 196. I had a moment of weakness
- 195. It breaks my heart to see my friend this way
- 194. I cried everyday, I even had a recent...
- 193. I haven't got an orgasm until this day
- 192. I have had over 30 affairs and contracted herpes
- 191. This breakup is so hurtful, stressful and emotionally draining
- 190. I think I am lacking love...
- 189. Whilst I believe in the greater power, I am struggling to understand...
- 188. In 2010 I was raped, in 2014 I got HIV....
- 187. I was an absolute shameful pig...
- 186. My wife has left me for another man, do I have to take her back?
- 185. How long should a sexual act last between a husband an a wife?
- 184. I felt like God hated me because I...
- 183. Does that mean you should not marry the person?
- 182. Is it sin if one puts an object between...
- 181. The SDA Church appears very anti-Chatholic and...
- 180. His snoring irritates me...
- 179. I have secretly impregnated a girl
- 178. I am still hurting over the whole situation
- 177. I had a sexually transmitted disease...
- 176. I pray that God will bring a good man into my life
- 175. Pray for me I’m affected with the spirit of masturbation
- 174. I was in the habit of fornicating...
- 173. I was dumped by a girl I truly loved...
- 172. Family planning or pregnancy...
- 171. My wife does not like to have sex anymore
- 170. Deep down inside I just feel that he's lying to me
- 169. If I keep the Sabbath holy, but attend church on Sunday or Thursday.
- 168. I want to stop stealing and lying...
- 167. I need your help to overcome this pain
- 166. I'm showing symptoms of sexual addiction
- 165. He said I should abort...
- 164. Can my best friend be a married man?
- 163. I read your response on divorce & remarrage and...
- 162. Can a Christian divorce and re-marry if the marriage is not consumated?
- 161. Married but still in love with high school sweetheart
- 160. They could drop dead for all I care
- 159. He says I would be the happiest wife if I let him continue his affair
- 158. I enjoyed the intercourse in the dream and...
- 157. I am pregnant for a man who is not my husband..
- 156. I gave them sex, both cyber and real...
- 155. After the woman got pregnant the first time,
- 154. I feel so upset right now...
- 153. I am in love with a young lady but married another
- 152. Stealing and Lying
- 151. I am having in-law problems
- 150. I supported him when he had nothing
- 149. She sees nothing wrong in dancing at her wedding
- 148. When I'm angry I turn to sex
- 147. I'm having an affair with another...
- 146. She is very controlling and...
- 145. I love fondling breasts
- 144. I'm hating life more and more each day
- 143. It keeps haunting me. What can I do?
- 142. She discovers an incestuous relationship between her husband and their...
- 141. I was going to commit suicide today...
- 140. Can you help me with these troubling questions?
- 139. Is it cheating if a husband masturbates to porn or...
- 138. I am infatuated with my own maternal sister
- 137. For 4 yrs. porn has been crawling all over me
- 136. I am 27 and he is 44, Is it wise to get involved..
- 135. Am I selfish in asking God for a man?
- 134. My marriage is going through a rough patch... do I stay or go?
- 133. Why won't the Lord remove the desire and attraction for women?
- 132. Due to his cheating, lies and..
- 131. I suffered emotional pain due to...
- 116. How relevant is the message of chastity to young people in this post-modern age?
- 130. He also revealed that he got the other wife pregnant while visiting her
- 129. How do you stop worrying, I worry about...
- 128. When I watched porn I love it, but I feel dirty when I'm done and...
- 127. yet she is peeping into every crevasses of my life
- 126. In my dreams I hang out with other men and “forget” that I am married
- 125. If he was the one that took off the protection does he have the right to refuse...?
- 124 Don't understand husband's funny behavior...
- 123. He is texting his private part to ladies...
- 122. As a result, I am messed up badly, what can I do?
- 121. I am separated from that jerk and it's killing me
- 120. Why are people making women equal to men?
- 119. Our parents think we are not ready to date
- 118. How do you deal with people who are difficult, selfish and arrogant?
- 117. I am feeling lonely, depressed and miserable. What can I do?
- 115. I am seriously thinking of ending this marriage
- 114. Should I marry someone as much as 10yrs older, I love older men
- 113. Neither my first nor my second husband would do intercourse
- 112. Does it make sense to stay or should I leave...?
- 111. Before believing, I had several wives, but now...
- 110 I really struggled with pornography and...
- 109 My husband holds to the verse "wives listen to your husband"
- 108 My husband confessed to me that he was bi-sexual
- 107 If I try to express myself, it turns into an argument
- 106 Should I marry her or leave her?
- 105 My loving wife has had 3 affairs...
- 104 If a husband abuses his wife, withholds sex, commits adultery...
- 101b. It is either you "masturbate or commit fornication.
- 103. I have been married for less than a year, but...
- 102 Txxx is somebody whom I love very much
- 101a. Is it a sin to masturbate?
- 100. Is it right for my fiancee to support his ex-girlfriend financially?
- 99 I missed the intimacy. I need male companionship
- 98. Is Jealousy a delusional disorder? Isn't God jealous of us and would that make Him...?
- 97 I am not happy with myself and feel I've let everyone down
- 96 If I had to make a choice between becoming a prostitute and staying a Christian
- 89-- I have a rebellious friend, should I break the friendship...?
- 88 -- I am not married, can I get pregnant to save my...?
- 87 -- If marijuana is legalized in some places, what could be so wrong in using it?
- 86 -I found out that one parent is unfaithful, should I tell the other?
- 85 -- What's worng with rock, hip-hop, rap, etc., Music?
- 84 --His sleeping out and his cheating affected me less than...
- 83 -- Should a young lady give her telephone number to a guy she meets the first time?
- 82 --After you are with a boy and he does bad things
- 81 -- I am angry, resentful and bitter.
- 80 -- I will jump in front of a train for you
- 79 -- She is six (6) years old and her father molested her
- 78 -- Let's agree to disagree, is this attitude healthy to a marriage?
- 77. We want to have a baby but we are not married.
- 76 -- I can forgive my husband but...
- 75 --What do you do if both parties agreed they married the worng person?
- 74 -- Is Mental illness like schizophrenia a demon possession?
- 73 -- I feel I rushed into marriage and did not wait on God
- 72 -- Is there a time when Divorce is the best resolve?
- 71 -- I have not found such great faith, no not even in "Israel" (the Church)
- 70 -- Is it good for husband and wife to take a break from each other?
- 69 -- My boyfriend gave me 6 mths. ultimatum for marriage
- 68 -- Please help me, I hate sex and I am married, what should I do?
- 67 b -- A 24-year-old male had sex with a 14-year-old girl (FB responses)
- 67a - A 24-year-old male had sex with a 14-year-old girl
- 66 - Is a civil marriage considered...?
- 42 - Don't worry, because I am artificially inseminated
- 65. Are men taking longer to get married? If so, why?
- 64. Why are ladies taking longer to get married?
- 63 - I started watching women and it's grown to watching everything
- 62 - I got into an intimate relationship with a married lady
- 61 - Is it wrong to go to the cinema?
- 60 - What is your opinion concerning homosexuals?
- 59 - How many times a week should a couple have sex and is there any data that go along wi
- 58 - What are the symptoms of sexual addiction? How can one know?
- 57 - I wanted to know if masturbation is a good or bad thing?
- 56 - I disagree with the advice you gave to "Separated Wife"
- 55 - My partner loves to look at porn online
- 54 - I love women with big breasts
- 53 - I've had many issues with him regarding porn, cheating, masturbation,
- 52 - He keeps wanting me to go and have sex with other men
- 51 -She is involved with a man who has been divorced twice
- 50 - So then is jealousy wrong?
- 49 - Should I wait on him forever or can I divorce him?
- 48 - What should I do, I am desperate?
- 47 - How can a married Christian overcome being in love with someone else?
- 46 - Will our marriage be condemed by God?
- 45 - My husband fondled my daughter as a young girl
- 44 - I recently find out that my husband is infertile
- 43 - Is it lawful or unlawful to get married on Sabbath?
- 41 - As I interpret I Cor 7:10, it leaves room for being separated, or even divorced
- 40 - As a follow up to my first question on polygamy
- 39 - I would like to know what the Bible says about second wives!
- 38 - He and his girlfriend are intimate with each other
- 37 - Is a bad marriage better than a good divorce?
- 36. Any "hanky panky" going on?
- 35 - She had an affair with a friend in the church
- 34 - Later on in our marriage he started cheating on me
- 33 - I am the daughter of a highly functional alcoholic
- 32 - He told me yesterday that he is co-dependent
- 31- Was he to be blamed for having had two wives?
- 30 - We are courting for 9 years
- 29 - Is lust between a husband and wife ever wrong?
- 27 - I would like to make a brief comment on the question of prayer before sex
- 26 -We are very close intimately and the only thing that is left
- 25 -I am never happy with the smell that comes even during
- 24 -I can only resist him so much!!! He always manages to win
- 23 -We argue all the time, I feel helpless, I don't know what to do
- 22 -- Starting a relationship with someone who has four children
- 21 -I'm in a relationship with a 26years old guy, who is not a Christian
- 20 -I recently had a miscarriage,
- 19 -I would not mind having my in-laws living close to me, but not in my home
- 18 -Every time I do oral sex with my spouse
- 17 -I have found it extremely difficult to move beyond my parents' separation
- 16 -I have met someone and would like to marry her, but
- 15 -Should married couples have sex on the Sabbath?
- 14 -My spiritual life is decreasing, I've had sex with 3 other men
- 13 -What feelings lead a man an a woman to be in true love?
- 12 -How do you bridge the gap between psychology and spirituality?
- 11 -What does the Bible and Adventist say about divorce?
- 10 -How might a couple deal with guilt from their past experiences?
- 09 - My marriage is in a downward spiral. Should I count my losses and get a lawyer?
- 08 -How does a Christian woman remain pure, yet be sexually attractive and sensuous?
- 07 -How may young people avoid getting into relationships that are likely to fail?
- 06 -How do I choose the right partner?
- 05 - Any sex acts that are inappropriate between a husband and a wife?
- 04--Divorcee looking to share life, can I remarry?
- 03- Should Christian married couples pray before having sex?
- 02 - Mom is miserable in her marriage
- 01. My brother and I have not spoken in 2 years...
- 28 - Addicted to Love
- 90-- What’s wrong with kissing, fondling, necking, etc., before marriage?
- 91-- How do you handle rejection and get over a broken relationship?
- 92-- Regarding that rejection question I have a question...
- 93 -- How does one handle being lonely in a crowd?
- 94 -- What are some of the things I should know before deciding to get married?
- 95-- I am having difficulty being judgmental and finding fault