28 - Addicted to Love
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28. Dear Dr. Smith 

I have been married for a little over 4 years and I truly enjoy the privileges that come along with marriage.  If God commands us to have sexual relations with each other in our marriage, is there such a thing as too much of this holy and intimate act?  I think about my husband and his love making everyday, although we do not have relations everyday.  I think about it so much so that I am starting to think that I have a problem. I love my husband dearly but I am starting to question myself, "Could I be addicted to him or the gratification that I receive from this act of love?"  "Is there such a thing as "addiction" when it comes to matters of a holy act created by God?" 


I love the Lord and He gratifies my every need everyday...yet I don't feel that I am addicted or ashamed of this. If the relationship to Christ and the Church is to be compared to the relationship between a husband and his wife then why is there such a vast difference in my feelings even though they both gratify me?  Why do I feel so "addicted" and ashamed of loving to be loved by my husband?  Also is there anything that we could be done within the act of love making that would be considered to be unholy? 



Addicted to Love



Dear Addicted to Love,

I am very happy that you are enjoying your marital relationship. However, there is no question that what you have described to me is the behavior of someone who is addicted to sex. Water is good for our system, but there is such a thing as drinking too much water, food is good for our system, but there is such a thing as eating too much food. And so it is with sex. Remember, true temperance is “moderate use of that which is good and total abstinence from that which is harmful”


It is quite possible that you love for your husband is superseded by your love for intimacy, and if that is the case, you will be having marital problems shortly. Besides, your husband will soon become tired of you, if your deep desire for intimacy is unquenchable. You wanted to know why there is such a vast difference between your feelings for Christ and your feelings for intimacy, and that’s easy to answer. It’s because you chose to love one more than the other.


You asked if there is anything that could be done within the act of love making that would be considered unholy and the answer is “YES”. Any form of addiction is unholy, beastly acts are unholy, the use of pornography is unholy, etc. I strongly recommend that you get some professional help if your “addictive desire for love” continues. Thanks for your question and may God give you strength to overcome.