Dr. Alanzo Smith is the Family Counselor for the Greater New York Conference. He is a Psychotherapist, a Marriage & Family Therapist (LMFT)  and a Mental Health Counselor (LMHC). 

If you have a question that you would like him to answer, click here. 

Dear Dr. Smith,

My husband gets voicemails on his phone from a mutual friend where she leaves very seductive messages such as saying “I miss you my love” and sings love songs for him. I recently saw that he sent a picture of his private part to a woman on his phone. What should I do or what should I say. How should I approach?

Dear Friend,
Clearly, your husband is acting inappropriately. His actions are telling that he is either committing physical adultery or spiritual adultery. These subliminal messages he is getting are seductive and destructive and if allowed to continue will eventually destroy your marriage. What amazed me though, are your words used to describe one of the ladies, you said, “My husband gets voicemails on his phone from a ‘mutual friend’. A mutual friend!! Are you for real? Did you say “FRIEND”? A friend is suppose to be; honest, trustworthy, considerate, compassionate, kind, loving, understanding, respectful, dependable, loyal, accepting, consistent, committed, supportive. Which of these characteristics would you give to your friend? Or, did you mean a backstabbing, conniving, undermining, snake-in-the grass person? Think again, someone telling your husband that she misses him and is singing love songs to him is not trying to convert him but is trying to seduce him.

The sending of his private part to a woman is disgusting at least and offensive at best. It’s call pornography and is a violation of his marital commitment. If his behavior is left unchecked there is a strong possibility that it will increase to cyber-space infidelity as well as physical unfaithfulness. I pray he gets help before this deterioration. 

What should you do?
1.    Confront your “Friends” and ask her to desist from flirting with your husband
2.    Ask your husband to stop flirting with women
3.    Ask him for a justification for sending pictures of his private part
4.    Have an open discussion on any problems in the marriage
5.    Seek professional help
6.    Pray and ask God to change your husband and to heal your marriage.

I pray that things will work out for you, stay strong, keep faithful, may God grant you the desires of your heart according to His riches in Christ Jesus.  Be blessed.

Dr. Smith